<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<else>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $moveIn = true>><<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You've been in therapy for some time now, and have started to be able to realize what is a rational fear and what is not. You feel like you might be simply being insecure, and <<if $alexKnows eq false>>that Alex knows you well enough to make her own decisions about what she wants to do.<<else>>you've already taken steps to discuss your difficulties with Alex in the past, and that she's making an informed decision.<<endif>> Your therapy is working, and you can talk to Dr. Mellville about how to manage your depression with a partner living with you at your next session. As she says, you can figure out the rest later - the point is that this is absolutely a thing you want.\n\nYou're having too hard of a time stifling your excitement at the thought of having her around more, so you blurt your answer out.\n\n//"Yes! Let's do it!"//\n\nHer face lights up. You cup her face in your hands and kiss her, and mentally vow that you are not going to stop living because you have a mental illness. You are determined to take your life back.<<else>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>You are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. However, you're not sure how to find the words, and if you did you would probably just sound like a crazy person. Would she even take it the right way? Would she just assume that you're trying to find excuses to not live together? \n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>\nEven though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you.\n<<endif>>\n//Maybe I can use this as a reason to finally get my act together,// you think to yourself. //Maybe having her around will keep me from being so depressed so often.//\n \nYou decide to push all of your worries down, and agree to move in. \n\nThe first few weeks feel amazing, but you quickly find that your choice was not a wise one. Trying to hide your struggles with your condition from your partner becomes more and more impossible, and you find that you lack many resources to properly deal with the situations that arise as a result. Due to the lack of communication, she starts feeling like it's her fault, and a wedge is driven between the two of you. This fact is fuel for your illness, and becomes another aspect of your life that you berate yourself for.\n\nDespite sleeping in the same bed, she feels further away than ever before.<<endif>>\n \n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nWhat you really want more than anything is to turn your brain off and just disappear for a while. You sink resignedly into your couch and start playing videogames, but you can't seem to focus on what's happening on-screen. You cycle through a few different games, but tonight everything seems either too tedious or too aggravating for you to play for more than a few minutes. A few of your online friends invite you to play a game with them, but the prospect of having to talk, let alone cooperate with other people seems incredibly unpleasant. You decide to give the videogames a rest for the evening, though you worry that you've offended your online friends and your next conversation will be awkward because of it, giving you yet another source of stress to weigh down on you tonight.\n\nYou boot up Netflix and cycle through some of your favorite shows and movies that you'd flagged as wanting to come back to, but again nothing seems to be able to hold your attention. You feel what can only be described as //mentally fidgety//, like there's an unscratchable itch somewhere on your //brain// that is becoming increasingly hard to ignore. You send off a quick text to Alex hoping that conversation will help pull you out of your head enough to relax, but you know she's in class tonight and the chances of her replying are slim. You head into the kitchen for food and come out with not so much a "sandwich" as just "peanut butter on two pieces of bread." You pace anxiously around your apartment while you eat, irritated both by whatever this nerve-wracking feeling is and by your ability to just ignore it and unwind. \n\n<<if $motivation lte 7>>Your evening is filled with half-successful attempts at distraction and you ultimately head to bed late, head filled with static.<<else>>After a few more sandwiches and an overly long shower, you're finally able to settle down enough to head off to bed.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>You look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. It's an expression you're not unfamiliar with, it's one you've seen flash across her face many times during your time together. Every time it's happened, it feels like getting kicked in the teeth. So often it's happened because you're incapable of escaping the gravity of your depression, and failing her feeds into your self-hatred in a very big way.\n\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. A lot of times she doesn't seem to realize that there are days where you're not quite capable of doing things like going out and partying, or doing much more than existing. <<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she still doesn't know about your condition. It was an accepted risk of the decision not to tell her, but you're starting to feel like you made the wrong choice and that too much has happened to bring it up now.<<endif>> Though you don't fault her for it, when she expects you to act like a normal person who isn't grappling with a mental illness and you're unable to, it deeply hurts you.\n\n//"I..."// you start to speak but the words choke in your throat. None of this feels real. \n\n//"I think we should break up..."// the words feel foreign as you speak them, as if they were a collection of sounds rather than the death knell for your relationship. In your mind, it was always her that left you, not the other way around.\n\nSoon enough, both of you are in tears as you talk through it. You're both devastated, but settle on breaking up. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> It's going to take you a long time to get over her, but in the moments that you feel a brief clarity of mind, you feel almost relieved to only have to be responsible for your feelings now.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's late Friday afternoon, and Quitting Time is just around the corner. \n\nA bright clear day is giving way to a still, temperate evening. You can hear your coworkers all around you anxiously making plans for their evenings and weekends, but you're really looking forward to just going home and resting after what's turned out to be a very long and taxing work week.\n\nJust before the end of your shift, you get a call from Alex. It seems a group of your mutual friends are heading out to a nearby pub for dinner and drinks to celebrate the end of the week, and they want to know if you'd like to come along. You tentatively tell her that you're emotionally exhausted from the work week and a social outing like that would just take too much out of you today. You encourage her to go and have a good time, since you know it's been a while since she's gone out with friends, but the effort feels futile since you know that she isn't going to go without you.\n\nA couple hours later the two of you find yourselves in a familiar position: on the couch, watching comedy shows on Netflix, a box of pizza open on the coffee table in front of you. As you look across the couch at her, you start to feel anxious. You feel bad about effectively forcing the two of you to stay in tonight, again. While you are always appreciative of your partner's efforts to take your feelings into account and help make sure you're socially comfortable, you sincerely worry that you're holding her back from enjoying a more fulfilling relationship. \n\nWhile she does seem to enjoy spending time with you, as the two of you sit in comfortable, almost contented silence watching old shows you've each seen two or three times before, your ever-increasing fear that your relationship is becoming one-sided weighs more and more heavily on you. You feel more than ever like a burden or a ward to her, and it's virtually impossible for you to see what value you could possibly offer to her in return. Worst of all, this nagging fear has made you feel more self-conscious than ever, withdrawing ever inwards, and you've started to pull away even from Alex herself.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: You know despite the bad times, your girlfriend sincerely loves you. Relationships are a 2-way street, and you resolve to always be there for her like she has been for you.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2: Tell Alex how important she is to you and enjoy your evening.|ilikeYou]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell Alex how important she is to you and enjoy your evening.</FONT></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[3: Ask Alex if she's happy with your relationship.|areyouHappy]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Ask Alex if she's happy with your relationship.</FONT></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Don't say anything; you're already worried about her being upset with you.|sayNothing]]\n\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nDespite your partner's pleas, you tell Alex you're unable to make it to the party tonight. You say you feel too ill and would just be a drag on everyone.\n\nShe sighs a sigh that you've heard many times before. One of exasperation, but patience. \n\n//"Well ok then. I just hope you feel better soon, I really miss you. I guess I'll see you next week or something..."//\n\nYou apologize profusely and tell Alex that you love and miss her too, and promise to make plans for next weekend. She sounds somewhat distracted and distant as she agrees, says her goodnights, and hangs up.\n\nYou spend the rest of the night beating yourself up for feeling too lousy to go. You leave a few apologetic and loving texts to your partner, and you feel stressed out and forgotten when you don't receive a reply.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit and stare at the note for a long while before you rip the post-it off and pick up your phone. If it's possible that this can really help you, you should at least give it a try.\n\nWhile you listen to the phone ring, your mind races. What if you really are mentally ill? What the therapist tells you you're full blown crazy? Would it be worse than being told that you're actually fine and that you're just being a huge baby about being an adult? Your mind latches on to that last thought and you feel foolish. \n<<if $motivation lte 7>>\n//Being worthless isn't a mental illness. You're just a sadsack.//<<endif>>\n\nBefore you can bring yourself to hang up, you're listening to the jarringly chipper voice of the receptionist. You double check that they'll take your insurance, and book an appointment relatively painlessly. \n\nBefore you know it, you're standing in front of the therapist's office on the day of your appointment.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Go to the therapist's office.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Head to the therapist's office, even though you're totally unsure of what to expect.|gotoTherapy2]]\n[[3: Bargain with yourself. Surely there's another way.|anotherWay]]\n[[4: You've lost your nerve entirely. Go home.|justgoHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt is an utterly nondescript Wednesday afternoon; the type of afternoon that would completely fade from memory unless one made an active effort to preserve it. As has become routine on Wednesdays, you are sitting on the couch in Dr. Melville's office. To your mild surprise she begins this session by breaking her characteristic Therapist's Silence and begins speaking up right away:\n\n//I wanted to start by saying I think it's great that you decided to come see me - it's an incredibly important first step,// she begins. //I wanted to take some time today to talk to you about the possibility of supplementing or substituting your treatment with medication.//\n\nThe mention of medication makes your ears perk up and you feel your heart rate increasing. She continues:\n\n//Many people find adding a pharmacological element to their treatment to be very helpful, and some even prefer to take drugs, completely eliminating their need to visit a therapist at all, providing you rely on your support network and are still reaching out to people. I would prefer it if we kept talking, should you choose to start medication, so that I can monitor your progress and adjust as needed, but the choice is ultimately yours. I just wanted to run the option by you to gauge what your thoughts on the matter might be.//\n\nDr Melville has just given you a lot to think about. What do you do?\n\n[[1: Accept a prescription as a way to augment your therapy.|hugsandDrugs]]\n[[2: Tell her you'd like to try drugs instead of therapy. These weekly sessions have always made you more than a little uncomfortable.|nohugsjustDrugs]]\n[[3: The thought of messing with your brain chemicals makes you uneasy. You'll stick with the therapy.|hugsnotDrugs]]\n[[4: This whole therapy thing has always overwhelmed you, and this is the final straw. You're done with both.|nohugsorDrugs]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
//Your therapist asks you a question that you're embarrassed to answer. Do you lie or not?//\n\n[[1. Lie.|lietoHer]]\n[[2. Tell the truth.|donotLie]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a Wednesday evening, and you're visiting at your parents' house for a holiday.\n\nIt's one of the handful of times during the year you drive out to visit your old hometown, and you've seen random people you had gone to school with around town. Whenever bumping into them, the usual short versions of what you've done since graduating are exchanged. You've gone through a few of these today and have been very aware of how much you feel you haven't accomplished. When you were in high school you had much larger plans, and you feel like you've failed to manifest most of them. Even if you had managed to, you've largely lost interest in what you thought you wanted to do growing up. Now, you're not really sure what you want to do, and you've felt like you're lacking the ambition or drive to figure it out. Everyone you've caught up with seems so much happier than you, like they've got their lives all figured out, and you've kind of been feeling like a failure by comparison.\n\nYour brother Malcolm arrives with his wife in tow shortly before you all sit down to dinner. He's been traveling for his job lately and you haven't seen him since the day he picked you up from the dentist. Your parents haven't seen him since before then. During dinner, they all catch up and Malcolm talks about the amazing things he's done on the road. \n\nYour mother turns to you and asks what you've been up to since you've seen them last. \n\n//"Oh, same old same old..."// you say. //"Nothing really new going on."//\n\nYour mother makes a face. //"Oh, nothing new? How long are you planning on staying at that job of yours?"//\n\nWhat do you say?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Tell them about the exciting new job you're gunning for.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2:(Lie) Tell them what they want to hear: that you're actively looking for a more prestigious position<del></font></del></html><<else>>[[2:(Lie) Tell them what they want to hear: that you're actively looking for a more prestigious position.|liethroughyourTeeth]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Admit that you don't know what you want to do.<del></font></del></html><<else>>[[3: Admit that you don't know what you want to do.|noAmbition]]<<endif>>\n[[4: Excuse yourself to the bathroom.|gototheBathroom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset1.gif"></center></html>\n\nThere's no doubt that depression is a battle, and it seems to have taken a particular toll on you. As the days go by, you find yourself having to fight harder and harder just to keep your life on a forward-moving trajectory.\n\nYou feel like you're constantly fighting a losing battle just forcing yourself to go into work. Sunday nights carry a near physical weight of dread and by mid-week you're ground down to the point of exhaustion. When you are at work, you find it nearly impossible to focus on anything, and lately you suspect that your boss has noticed the drop in your performance. Despite your current mental state, you know that if things keep going the way that they are, you face a very real danger of jeopardizing your job.\n\nYour relationship with your friends has started to deteriorate as well. Though you've known some of them since high school, you've never been comfortable letting them into this facet of your life, and that's true now more than ever. Your frequent bouts of both ambivalence and panic have caused you to flake out on more and more engagements, and your shame at your own situation keeps you from ever talking to your friends about it for fear that the "real you" would be repulsive to them. In spite of your best efforts, your friends have noticed that something is up, and you get the sense that your unwillingness to open up on more than a surface level has offended them. You worry about driving your friends away, and yet find yourself paralyzed and unwilling to let them in. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>Things with Alex have become more and more strained. The two of you have had several conversations about your situation. She's indicated numerous times that she's willing to be understanding and help you as best she can, but that she feels that you're not taking equal steps to move forward yourself. She worries that you "love being miserable more than you love her," and even in the wake of your desperate-sounding platitudes you can't seem to totally convince yourself that she's wrong. In spite of her obvious frustration, you can't seem to leave your comfort zone and set aside your own self loathing long enough to make a concerted effort to make things better, and you find yourselves having the same conversation on a near weekly basis. You both are feeling emotionally exhausted and the future of the relationship is uncertain.<<else>>After several long conversations with Alex, things finally reached their breaking point. She told you that you seem to "love being miserable more than you love her," and that you cling to that comfortable misery as a way to keep from effecting any positive change, and after several weeks of having the same fight she decided it was too much to bear. While she told you that she still loves you, she can't let herself or her plans be held back by a partner who doesn't share an equal interest in moving forward.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You have communicated many of these events to Dr. Melville in your sessions, and are surprised to find that what you feel more than anything is an overwhelming lack of feeling towards any of it, and she seems very concerned about how far your anhedonia seems to have progressed. You still continue to go to your sessions regularly, largely because you don't know what else to do with your time.<<else>>You have communicated much of this to Malcolm over various coffee outings and phone calls, and are surprised to find that what you feel more than anything is an overwhelming lack of feeling towards any of it. He seems very concerned, though you can tell that he's trying to not overreact to anything you say so he can 'be there' for you. Though you think it's sort of nice to get to see Malcolm more than you have been, but after a few dinners at his well-kept house and drives in his new Camaro you also can't help but make comparisons between his life and your own. Your outings almost always leave you with mixed feelings, with any positivity largely drowned out by amplified feelings of worthlessness.<<endif>>\n\nPouring over the events of the past few months is, even now, exhausting and defeating. Looking at the person you were mere months ago is almost surreal; it feels like a completely different person living a completely different life. You find it difficult to even begin to think about the prospect of your future when your present is so emotionally exhausting. You've gone from a person who had goals and plans to someone who lives largely day-to-day, expending all his effort just to get from AM to PM. Looking across the table at your mother, you feel suddenly drained, unable to go through another one of //those// conversations.\n\nYou simply clear your throat and awkwardly try and change the subject.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $in_Therapy eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 17>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/candle4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's December, and you've returned to your parents' house to celebrate the holidays with your family. Out the living room window, you can see a gentle flurry of snow drifting down to meet the pristine blanket of white from yesterday's unexpected Christmas Eve snowfall, and you quietly laugh to yourself at how incredibly cliche it seems. \n\nStill, as you sit down to dinner, you can't help but notice how being surrounded by family, and the overly kitschy atmosphere your mom's decorations have created, have actually made you feel relaxed and almost //comfortable//. Your mom is running around frantically checking the oven and the stockings and just generally trying to "family time" it up, while your dad sits at the head of the table drinking a beer and laughing with your brother Malcolm. His wife Karen is there too, whom you've always gotten along well with <<if $cat eq true>>, and your parents even agreed to let you bring your kitten along; she's been darting in and out of people's legs and hopping into laps all night<<endif>>.\n\nAs you thoughtfully munch away at your turkey, listening to the conversations around you, your thoughts drift back over the last few months. You think about how hard things had gotten, replaying over in your head some of your worst (as well as some of your best) memories. It seems like all of these things just came to a head over the past few months, with a sudden flurry of relationship turmoil and professional anxiety, social stress and above all an omnipresent sense of weight that it seems you have just recently become aware of. You're drawn out of your reverie by your dad's familiar booming laugh as some cheesy comment Malcolm made seems to have hit its mark. Sitting at that table, you're suddenly immensely glad for the chance to be able to ignore everything for an evening and not have to struggle trying to explain yourself for once. \n\nFortunately, everyone seems to be content with laughing at each other's jokes and discussing favorite sports teams, and for a while you think you'll be able to get through dinner without any embarrassing personal intrusions. But no sooner did the thought cross your mind than the table conversation trickles off, leaving a slightly awkward silence to descend upon the dinner.\n\n//"So how are you doing these days,// your mom asks you pointedly?\n\nIt's such a simple question, and one that you seem to have had to answer countless times recently. You take a moment to collect your thoughts, then looking up, you take a deep breath.\n\n<<if $motivation eq 1>>[[Well...|endingZero]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>>[[Well...|endingZero]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>>[[Well...|endingOne]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>>[[Well...|endingTwo]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>>[[Well...|endingThree]]<<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>>[[Well...|endingFour]]<<endif>>\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYour entire apartment feels claustrophobic, as though you're being choked by how isolated you feel, how trapped you feel just being here with yourself. You can't stand to be here any longer, so you grab your coat and just start walking. If you take a walk and get some air, maybe you can get away from the crushing feeling in your chest.\n\nYou walk for longer than anticipated, headphones on and blaring a favorite track. Before you know it, you've walked over a mile. The entire time your thoughts dart from personal failure to personal failure, and you feel like you're trying to get away from yourself. \n\nHowever, you end up walking long enough that after the initial stress, the static in your head begins to calm down. Instead of being the overbearing noise it was back in the apartment, you've settled into a calmer state where you're able to zone out and listen to the music. Your steps synch to the rhythm in your headphones, and it feels almost as if you were meditating. \n\nThe weather threatens to start raining, and you turn back managing to catch the very start of a rainstorm. Your calm persists as you arrive back home and go through the motions of getting ready for bed, and you're able to sleep with relative ease that night. \n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThis is far from the first time you would have had this conversation with her, and it's one that plays out the same way every time. You explain your fears of being worthless, she tries to tell you that she doesn't see you that way, you insist that she is biased or just being nice to you because she's your girlfriend, and she gets frustrated. It never resolves, nothing new is ever said, and rarely do you feel reassured by it. \n\nOccasionally she tries to broach the subject, trying to discover why you feel like this about yourself. This always makes you feel nervous - you're sometimes convinced that the only reason she's still with you is because she doesn't know how awful you really are. As time as gone on, you've gotten more comfortable trying to express bits and pieces of your insecurities to her, but it still causes you to feel very on guard and it's not a conversation you can have for too long without worrying you're going to scare her away.\n\nThe weight of an unspoken, unresolved issue in your relationship joins you in the room for a little while, but you dare not pick at it for the rest of the night.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYour head feels too noisy, and you need to trade it for some actual conversation. <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>Your therapist did say that it was important to reach out to your support network, so you might as well give it a shot.<<endif>>\n\nWho do you call? \n\n<<if $motivation lte 9>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Your coworker, Sam - He's friendly enough and could be a good distraction.</font></del></html><<else>>[[1: Your coworker, Sam - He's friendly enough and could be a good distraction.|callSam]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Your mother - She unconditionally loves you even if she doesn't always understand you.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Your mother - She unconditionally loves you even if she doesn't always understand you.|callMom]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Alex - She's your girlfriend.|callAlex]]\n[[4: Malcolm - He's family and fun to talk to.|callmalcolm]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitche02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitche02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level1a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level2a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitche02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitche02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level4a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n\n
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level3a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchd02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nThe mere mention of medication makes you stiffen uneasily. It was hard enough for you to work up the nerve to start coming to therapy, but the thought of introducing into the equation drugs that literally alter the chemicals in your brain totally freaks you out.\n\nYou may feel somewhat honor-bound to Amanda to keep up with your therapy, but you draw the line at ingesting any sort of chemical that you can't buy at a liquor store.\n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<else>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou go to your refrigerator, and you're greeted by a reminder that you need to go food shopping. The only thing in the fridge is a collection of condiments and a bottle of white wine your father got for your birthday. You were thinking of saving it for a party, but tonight you're feeling like you'd never be social enough to have one anyway.\n\nAttempting to uncork it with an attachment on a can opener, you managed to get cork into the wine itself. Cursing to yourself, you take this as a sign that you really do manage to fuck up everything that you touch. Deciding against using a glass, you bring the entire bottle with you into your room and drink in earnest, hoping that this will take the edge off the anger that you feel towards yourself and dull your emotional state.\n\nYou quickly down the bottle, spitting out bits of cork as you go. <<if $on_Meds eq true>>However, after you have calmed down you remember that your medication compounds the effects of alcohol, and you find yourself very drunk very quickly.<<else>>After you've calmed down, you feel quite drunk and remember that you'd forgotten to eat anything today.<<endif>>\n\nUnable to do much else, you kill time on the internet and manage to post a semi-incoherant status update before wandering over to lay in bed.<<if $cat eq true>> Your cat sits on your chest as you pull your phone into view, ceiling spinning above it.<<else>>You lay on your back and pull your phone into view while the ceiling spins beyond it.<<endif>> \n\nYou drunk-dial Alex, and the phone rings multiple times before going to voicemail. Since it's Friday night, you assume that this means that she's out partying with her friends, and you leave an embarrassing voicemail "apologizing" for not being cool and fun enough to go out with her on nights like this.\n\nYou close your eyes after you hang up, hoping to get the room to stop spinning. Your inebriated state makes your depressed thoughts even more intense, and you pass out in a state of self-loathing. This really didn't help.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n//"Oh, I'm asking for a raise soon."// you mumble. //"I'm shopping around for a better position, too."//\n\nYou mom lights up. //"Oh! That's great honey! They'd be crazy not to give it to you!"//\n\nConversation turns to other subjects as you stare at your plate. You hate lying to them, but you honestly feel like your parents don't even know you sometimes. Every time you have tested the waters in the past, you come away from it feeling like you can't get through to them, like you're speaking a different language. Trying to fight through that takes so much effort and ever feels like it even works, and you just don't have the energy to try right now.\n\nEven though you spend the rest of the night surrounded by your family, you feel like an alien. You retreat into your thoughts, and get very quiet for the remainder of the night.\n\nAs you're leaving, Malcolm takes you aside and gives you a big hug. //"Don't let Mom get to you, ok? I love you kiddo."//\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a little after noon on a muggy Saturday.\n\nYour mother has come over for a surprise visit, claiming loudly that she doesn't see you enough so she'd decided to invite herself over. <<if $motivation lte 6>>One of the first things she does is comment on how messy your apartment is. You tell her you know it's messy, and it actually bothers you too, you just for some reason haven't been able to work yourself up to cleaning the place up yet. <<endif>>As you converse, she walks around your place, and you get the distinct impression that you're being "inspected."\n\n//So what's going on with you lately,// she asks abruptly.\n\nTaken somewhat aback by this left-fielder you tell her you're not sure what she means. She repeats the question, saying that you haven't seemed like yourself lately - she gestures to the dirty dishes piled in the sink and notes the fact that you haven't called or visited in a while. Your reticence only seems to spur her on more; she presses you, asking if you're having problems at work or with Alex, and you're beginning to feel increasingly battered by her sudden well-meaning but overwhelming inquisition.\n\nUnder her questions you become increasingly uncomfortable. You //want// to be able to explain to her how you've been feeling, but the truth is you're not really sure yourself. Nothing horrific has happened at work or with your significant other or friends or anything like that, but all the same you can't deny that lately you've just felt drained and as though you're not really "here". \n\nYou wish you could tell your mother these things, but she hasn't been approachable about negative emotions in the past. She is the kind of person who holds the opinion that the solution to any problem is to simply try harder and maintain a positive attitude, a stance that has reared its head in past conversations when you've begun to explore the subject with her. You know she's unlikely to be understanding, and you feel the energy drain out of you when you imagine what would happen if you managed to blurt out everything you are feeling.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Let her know that you've been feeling down lately, and that you appreciate her concern.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try to be honest with her anyway.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Try to be honest with her anyway.|imDown]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Tell her that everything is fine, and thank her for asking.|imfineMom]]\n[[4: Change the subject.|dodgeDodge]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
Depression Quest: An Interactive (non)fiction About Living With Depression
We really want to thank you for taking the time to play //Depression Quest//. We realize it may not be the most enjoyable game you've ever played, or even the easiest, and we sincerely appreciate your involvement.\n\nIf you would like to contribute to the developers and to <html><a href="http://www.iFred.org">iFred</a></html>, click <html><a href="http://sbx.sk/A6Fz">here to do so (or paypal patrick [at] pixelsordeath.com if it's giving you trouble).</a></html>\n\nLike depression itself, //Depression Quest// does not have an end really. There is no neat resolution to depression, and it was important to us that //Depression Quest's// own resolution reflect that. Instead of a tidy ending, we want to just provide a series of outlooks to take moving forward. After all, that's all we can really do with depression - just keep moving forward. And at the end of the day it's our outlook, and support from people just like you, that makes all the difference in the world.\n\nThanks again.\n\n<html><a href="http://www.iFred.org">Learn more</a></html>\n\n[[Credits.|credits]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>In feeling vulnerable, you decide to reach out to the familiarity of family. You have had your fair share of differences with your mother, but you know for a fact she would never turn you away if you needed her. \n\nYou dial the phone number of the house you grew up in, the number that hasn't changed during your entire life. Your old number. Your mother answers after a few rings, and is delighted that you had called her. You ask her what's new and she launches into telling you all about all of the activities around the house, what friends of the family have been up to, and a tangent about how she's desperately trying to get your father to eat more healthily. \n\nHearing about the day to day details of her life back home reminds you of being a little kid in that neighborhood, and is a pleasant distraction. However when she asks you how you're doing, you're faced with the decision to either lie or the familiar back and forth of trying to tell her how you're feeling and having her not understand why you're so upset. \n\nInstead, you tell her that you have to run all of a sudden, and tell her you love her and hang up. As you hang up, you feel a little more isolated than when you started. You feel like you got overly sentimental for the way you felt when you were a kid and wanted to be looked after, and let that make you forget that your mother is not a terribly understanding person when it comes to matters of mental health.\n\nYou lay down on your bed, feeling slightly defeated, and stare up at your ceiling.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou agree to go, even though you're really not feeling social. You know it's important to Alex, and you'd really like to see her. Seeing her does make you feel better sometimes, and you hope that this is the case tonight even if it does mean dealing with all the usual social anxiety.\n\nThe time to leave rolls around and you grab your overnight bag. Alex's apartment is a short walk away, and there are already people hanging out on the porch. You feel your chest tighten as you approach the building, and try to steel your nerves.\n\nYou quickly find your partner, chatting away with the birthday girl, and Alex immediately lightens up when she sees you. \n\n//"I'm so happy you came! I wasn't sure if you were going to make it!"//\n\nA young man taps her on the shoulder, and she turns back to you to apologize and let you know they have to do something for the party. Alex hands you a beer and plants a kiss on your cheek before going off to deal with whatever came up.\n\nAs you look around, you don't see anyone else you recognize.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Enthusiastically socialize!<html></font></del></html>\n[[2: Awkwardly stand in the same spot, unsure of what else to do.|awkwardlyStand]]\n[[3: Put your bag in your Alex's room and avoid the crowd in there for a while.|gotoRoom]]\n[[4: Cling to the back wall, sip your beer, and wait for your girlfriend to return|backWall]]\n[[5: Proceed to drink in earnest, hoping it makes you less uncomfortable|getCrunk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou have your first session with your new therapist, Dr. Susan Melville, a tall woman in her mid 40's with a disarming demeanor and patient eyes with the start of the slightest smile lines. She makes you feel comfortable fairly easily, which is a pleasant surprise after all of your anxiety over the appointment. \n\nAs you leave, you make a second appointment. You're still skeptical about all of this, but figure you might as well see where this goes. The hardest part, it seems, was taking the first step. You're still not sure if and how you're going to tell your family or your partner but you figure you'll deal with that when the time comes. Either way, you feel relieved that you managed to see this through instead of being paralyzed with worry over it. Even if nothing comes of it, you did something you said you would instead of flaking out or running away.\n\nYou're emotionally exhausted when you get home and collapse into bed. You sleep better that night than you have in a week, and you're not sure if it is because you were so tired when you got home or if it's because of the therapist.\n<<set $in_Therapy = true>>\n[[Next.|workSucks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
//"What's wrong?"//\n\nYou still feel anxious when you recall feeling exposed by her small question, even though it's one that always sets your teeth on edge. However, you know that she only asked out of genuine concern and from the frequency that people have been asking you this question lately, you're starting to suspect you've been a bit more transparent than you'd hoped.\n\nFriday rolls around and the two of you grab coffee, to go this time, and walk around the area talking. She asks you how you've been, and you manage to open up and summarize your emotional state, though doing so is difficult. \n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>> She asks if you've talked to a doctor about this, and you admit that you haven't. She mentions that her mother is seeing a very good therapist in town, and offers to ask her about it. \n\nYou're not thrilled about the idea of going to a therapist and even less thrilled that Amanda might be telling someone about your problems, but she persists and tells you she'll email you the doctor's contact information later in the week, should you decide to take that avenue.\n\nAfter that, conversation drifts back to current events in both of your lives, talk about mutual friends, and other assorted small talk and catching up.\n\nThough it was far from the easiest thing in the world, trusting Amanda felt like it eased some of the anxiety, as though you were physically releasing a pressure valve in your brain. Being able to be honest about it with a friend who understood and didn't judge you felt like a relief, and you're less tense than normal even after you part ways.\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda_2nd = true>>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a little past 8pm on a Tuesday night.\n\nYou're at your computer, frustration levels peaked, rubbing your eyes and sighing heavily. You're working on a project from your job that has you stretched to wit's end trying to meet a looming deadline, and as it lurks closer and closer you are seriously doubting your ability to get it done. You've dragging your feet a little at work due to your complete lack of energy lately, in spite of wanting to do a good job. You find yourself unable to push past it, and feel horribly useless for it. \n\nYou slide your hands off your face to look at your screen as it beeps at you. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: hey are you there?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i really need to talk to someone about something...</font></html>\n\nYou feel like you're getting nowhere with your current task, and could probably use a break. However, you know that you have a history of getting distracted and then losing motivation to pick something back up again afterward.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Multitask.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell Attic you're busy.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell Attic you're busy.|tooBusy]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Try to regain your focus - don't answer.|dontanswerAttic]]\n[[4: Answer Attic.|helpthemOut]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>> \n\nAs much as you like the idea of trying to get work done tonight, the thought of the amount of catching up you have to do instantly freezes you up. The longer you stare at your computer, the higher your stress levels rise, until you're on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Not even wandering into the living room to try and watch TV relaxes you. You soon succumb to the mental and physical exhaustion and crawl into bed, making a point to close your laptop before you turn the light out. You lay in bed for some time feeling disappointed in your own inability to be productive before finally passing out.\n\nYou awake in the morning from a sleep that was far from restful. In fact, it seems impossible, but it's as though you're //more//tired than you were when you fell asleep last night. As you pick up your phone to shut your alarm off you see a handful of text messages from Alex that you apparently missed last night.\n\n//2 missed calls//\n\n//Text Message: Hey - tried calling when I got out of class but I guess you're sleeping?//\n\n//Text Message: Anyway I hope you had a good day at work, and I hope you were able to get some stuff done when you got home. I'll talk to you tomorrow? I'm out of class early.//\n\n//Text Message: Good night babe. I love you.//\n\n[[Next.|partyTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $malcolmKnows eq false>>You reach for the phone to call your brother Malcolm, the member of your family who you feel has always understood you best. He always looked out for you when you two were kids, and although you don't see each other much anymore you are still close with him. \n\nThe phone rings three times before his wife Karen picks up, and she tells you he's away on business right now. You redial his cell phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. Feeling defeated, you hang up and lay in bed, thoughts gnawing at you as you do. You feel selfish for trying to reach out to him while he's busy in the first place - he's always so busy and he's an important person to so many people. You, on the other hand, are laying on your bed in a crappy apartment feeling sorry for yourself. Your thoughts turn to how if you were to just vanish, you feel like no one would notice for days and when you did there wouldn't be too many negative consequences for anyone. You're not in charge of anything important, you're distant from your friends, so who would even notice?\n\nYour thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing next to your head. It's Malcolm.\n\n//"Hey kiddo, I'm sorry I missed your call, I was in a tunnel on the way back to my hotel. How's it going!"// he enthusiastically greets you. \n\nThrough a series of exchanges between the two of you, you end up actually opening up to your brother about your condition and how you've been dealing with it. To your surprise, he's known for a while but was unsure of how to approach you. He wanted to give you space to figure it out, and didn't want to put more stress on you the way your parents do. \n\nThe two of you talk on the phone for a good long time, and he proves himself to be an excellent listener and very skilled at finding the perfect times to lighten the mood with a joke without seeming like he's making fun of you or doesn't take your feelings seriously. He reminds you that you can call him any time that you need to let off some steam.\n\nYou say your goodbyes, and you find that even though you ended up in tears one or two times in explaining things, the whole conversation had done a lot to get you into a better headspace. \n\nYou feel a little less alone knowing you have an ally in dealing with your illness in Malcolm. <<else>>Remembering the conversation the two of you had when you were given the night guard, you recall that your brother had told you to call him if you ever needed to on days like this. \n\nThe phone rings three times before his wife picks up, and she tells you he's away on business right now. You redial his cell phone, and it goes straight to voicemail. Feeling defeated, you hang up and lay in bed, thoughts gnawing at you as you do. You feel selfish for trying to reach out to him while he's busy in the first place - he's always so busy and he's an important person to so many people. You, on the other hand, are laying on your bed in a crappy apartment feeling sorry for yourself. Your thoughts turn to how if you were to just vanish, you feel like no one would notice for days and when you did there wouldn't be too many negative consequences for anyone. You're not in charge of anything important, you're distant from your friends, so who would even notice?\n\nYour thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing next to your head. It's Malcolm.\n\n//"Hey kiddo, I'm sorry I missed your call, I was in a tunnel on the way back to my hotel. How's it going!"// he enthusiastically greets you. \n\nAlthough you feel awkward about it, you talk to your older brother about how you're feeling and what your condition is doing to you right now. The two of you talk on the phone for a good long time, and he proves himself to be an excellent listener and very skilled at finding the perfect times to lighten the mood with a joke without seeming like he's making fun of you or doesn't take your feelings seriously. He reminds you that you can call him any time that you need to let off some steam.\n\nYou say your goodbyes, and you find that even though you ended up in tears one or two times in explaining things, the whole conversation had done a lot to get you into a better headspace.<<endif>>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $on_Meds = true>>\nYou think the matter over long and hard. It's strange to think that recently none of this sort of thing was even on your radar, and here you are now being asked to make a decision about it. You're both skeptical and nervous, still getting over the initial shock of even just talking to a therapist. Still, over the years you've done enough entry-level reading on the subject to know that, if it doesn't //help// at least it probably won't //hurt,// right?\n\nAfter an intense and protracted period of internal vacillation, you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. You tell Dr. Melville that you'd like to try medication in addition to your therapy, and you spend about half an hour going over what you'll be taking and what you should expect from it. Thinking back on the decision later, you're pretty sure you had your fists tightly clenched the whole way through.\n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>You stare at the note for a long while before crumpling it in your hand and throwing it out. //Therapy is for people with real problems, not whiners like me...// you tell yourself. Even if you did think you were worth the resources, you don't know if you could actually bring yourself to dial the number and say the words out loud. Somehow, that would make what you're feeling seem that much real. If you don't call, some part of you feels like it makes it that much easier to pretend it all isn't happening. \n\n//Maybe that's for the best,// you think. If you can just shove it all down and try to ignore it, you can struggle through the day and hopefully someday just get over it. Opening up is painful, and you're not sure if dredging all of this sewage out of your mind will even have a positive effect on you.\n\nThe therapist would probably laugh at you anyway.\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]] \n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nDespite it becoming a part of your routine, the next day you stop yourself from taking the tiny pill in the morning as per usual. The side effects have been an annoyance and you are pretty convinced that you no longer need them. The rest of the day goes by as normal, and you believe that you have made the correct choice.\n\nHowever, as time goes on, the familiar pit of despair in the back of your mind reopens and reaches out to pull you back in. You feel the familiar self hatred and anxiety wrap itself around your brain, choking it. All of this feels much worse than the side effects of the medication, so you resume taking it and desperately wait for the readjustment period to be over.\n\nYou'll not make this mistake again.\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>\nDr. Mellville tells you that this is a common thing for depression sufferers to experience. They feel better, so they discard the medication believing that they're cured. However, it was just a sign that the medication was doing it's job. She reminds you that depression is a chronic mental illness that needs proper treatment, and she asks you to consult her before augmenting your medication schedule in the future.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|tellThem]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nStaring up at the old brick building, it all starts to feel like too much. You can't bring yourself to walk into the office, no matter how hard you try to will your feet to. The thought of opening up to a complete stranger and telling them such private things while they sit there taking notes is completely overwhelming. \n\nYou picture yourself sitting on the therapist's couch and you hate yourself. You internally berate yourself for being so pathetic and sniveling and unable to just "toughen up" and be normal. In that moment, you can't see how this could be anything positive. How it could be anything more than just another way that you're weak. You discount every shred of strength you've summoned to come this far and focus on your own self loathing. \n\nEmbarassed, you retreat back home. As you pretend to go about your day as though everything was normal, you can't stop thinking about how stupid you feel for being unable to simply walk into a building and get the help that you know you need. \n\nIt ends up being yet another thing for you to beat yourself up over. \n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou have the realization that you can't be sure if it's a general life change that's making you feel better, or if it's just a sign that the medication is working. You decide against discontinuing your meds - it's not really a lesson you'd like to learn the hard way, and the side effects of this particular kind are negligible.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>The next time you see Dr. Mellville, you tell her about this. She informs you that this is a common train of thought that people who have begun using medication to help them manage their depression experience, and that you've managed to dodge a bullet because it generally ends poorly. \n\nShe also asks you to talk to her first before making any decisions about your medication in the future.<<endif>>\n[[Next.|tellThem]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset4.gif"></center></html>\n\nYou've never really thought of yourself as a "fighter," and even to say it now it sounds hokey, but looking back on the past few months to where you are now it really does feel like you've endured an immense struggle, and you look at where you are now with a sense of something that isn't quite pride.\n\nYou still hate your job and find it unpleasant, but you're surprised to find that going into work every day is no longer a monumental challenge; you've started adopting some clever techniques, like taking short 2-minutes breaks every hour to break up the monotony, and you now view your job as just 8 short hours of your day<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>, a compartmentalization technique Dr. Melville told you about that you've found actually works quite well<<endif>>. You know this job isn't what you want to do for the rest of your life, and you've started actively looking for other positions, even attending a couple of preliminary interviews.\n\nYou've started making effort to go out with your friends more. While the social scene still makes you very uncomfortable sometimes, you're more and more able to let yourself just enjoy the company of your friends. In fact, your relationship with many of them has increased over the past little while. You still definitely have days where you flake out or don't feel up to hanging out, but for the most part your friends are understanding and appreciate your communication.\n\nBy far the biggest change you've noticed in your life has been in your relationship with Alex. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>You were terrified of talking to her about everything at first, but looking back you feel like it's only strengthened your relationship. <<endif>>She was always supportive of you emotionally, but lately the two of you have been even more in sync, and it's really starting to feel like you're building a life //together//. <<if $movedIn eq true>>It's been a while since the two of you have moved in together, and while there were a few early hiccups things have for the most part run very smoothly.<<else>>It even seems like the two of you have been making a more concerted effort to sync up your schedules, and have been spending more and more of your down time with each other; pretty soon you think moving in together may be a very real possibility.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>Dr. Melville has commented on how well you seem to be doing, and <<if $on_Meds eq true>>whether a result of the therapy, the medication, or both, <<endif>> you can't help but agree.<<endif>>\n\nWith all that seems to have improved recently, it's sometimes difficult for you to think about the fact that you still have bad days - sometimes even //really// bad days. They serve as a stark reminder of the fact that this will be something you likely have to deal with for the rest of your life. Depression is a battle, and though you're certainly ahead in the fight, you know the battle isn't ever going to be over. Sometimes even Alex can tell when things are going rough, despite your best efforts to the contrary. \n\nWhile you know that your depression can never be "cured," you have a very strong support network in your friends and even Malcolm<<if $inTherapy eq true>> and Dr. Melville<<endif>>, and armed with a newfound confidence in your friends and family, you accept that though the road may be rocky, it is at very least not solitary.\n\nYou meet your mom's gaze from across the table and muster up a smile.\n\n//"I'm good, mom,// you tell her.\n\nShe says nothing, but you can feel her smile from across the room. \n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
While you desperately want to be able to explain to your boss that you aren't just being irresponsible and that there //is// and issue that you're wrestling with, it seems like such a trainwreck of a conversation that you banish the idea from your mind. Instead, you come up with some sort of excuse about how you caught the flu from a friend over the weekend and how, while you were very sick for the past few days, you're getting better. You apologize for missing so much work and you promise you'll take better care of yourself in the future so you won't have to miss more work.\n\nWhile you're almost certain that your boss doesn't buy your excuse, he seems satisfied enough by your explanation and seems legitimately happy that you're ok and back in work. He ends the meeting without any more fuss. You spend the rest of the day with your eyes practically glued to the floor.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]\n\n//should this affect stats at all?//
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html>\nYou have a day job which you feel is really nothing special. You started out receiving minimum wage, but have stayed around long enough to be making enough to support yourself. The work is dull and unrewarding, and most days you feel like just about anyone could do it.\n\nYou have a hard time relating to most of your coworkers, so you mostly keep to yourself and get the work done while you're there. There are one or two people you chat with, though you wouldn't consider yourself close with them.\n\nA lot of days lately, you have a really hard time getting out of bed and forcing yourself to go in. You're starting to wonder how long you can keep this up.\n\nYou'd really like to find another job in your field of interest, but feel like you are under qualified every time you look at online job postings. Sometimes you think about going back to school, but you would be unsure how you would be able to support yourself and wonder if the degree would really help anyway.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is a breezy Sunday afternoon.\n\nYou've allowed Amanda, an old friend from school that is in town for the weekend to talk you into leaving the house for coffee and catch up. You meet her in a small cafe and talk about what you've been up to since you've last seen each other, and you can't help but feel like they are a lot more accomplished and interesting than you are while listening to them talk about their life after school. \n\nWhen it's your turn to brief them on your activities, you feel anxious and ashamed and give a very abbreviated version. You try to talk about your job as little as possible, and you feel incredibly boring while you describe it despite her expressing sincere interest in you and your life.\n\nAmanda has known you long enough to read your mood and tone of voice. She leans into ask a question while gently touching your hand, a look of genuine concern on her face.\n\n//"What's wrong?"//\n\nDo you...\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Suggest a change of location and confide in her honestly.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 6>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Test the waters and open up a little, hoping she'll understand.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Test the waters and open up a little, hoping she'll understand.|openUp]]<<endif>>\n[[3: Insist that nothing is wrong and change the subject.|subjectChange]]\n[[4: Defensively ask what she means by that.|defensive]]\n[[5: Notice that your hands are shaking.|Crying]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $partnerHP eq 2>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP eq 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<endif>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, and you want to fix it. You desperately want this relationship to continue, to be stronger. It's one of the few good things in your life, and you feel like you owe her so much for helping you as much as she has. You're not sure how to solve things other than to literally remove the distance.\n\n//"Let's move in together."// you tell her, matter of factly. //"It will bring us back together. We could fall asleep together every night, reconnect with each other..."//\n\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. However, you're too afraid of losing her to deal with that right now. You want to show her that you're serious about the two of you.\n\n//Maybe I can use this as a reason to finally get my act together,// you think to yourself. //Maybe having her around will keep me from being so depressed so often.//\n<<if $partnerHP eq 2>>\n\n//"I'm... not sure what to say. This is all so sudden..."//She thinks really hard for a minute. //"Sure, we could try it, but we'll have to figure out logistics, and I have to-"//\n\nYou interrupt her with a tight hug, which she seems initially tense but loosens up to. You both recommit to making things work between the two of you, and get exciting while talking about what could be soon. You're tremendously relieved, and can't wait to live together.\n\nThe first few weeks feel amazing, but you quickly find that your choice was not a wise one. Trying to hide your struggles with your condition from your partner becomes more and more impossible, and you find that you lack many resources to properly deal with the situations that arise as a result. Due to the lack of communication, she starts feeling like it's her fault, and a wedge is driven between the two of you. This fact is fuel for your illness, and becomes another aspect of your life that you berate yourself for.\n\nDespite sleeping in the same bed, she feels further away than ever before. It becomes clear that this didn't fix any of the relationship's problems, and it deteriorates far enough that she moves back out soon after moving in. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<endif>> You hardly leave your apartment despite it practically haunting you with memories of the last few weeks of your time with her. You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.<<else>>\n\n//"I... I'm not sure what to say... This is..."// she seems taken completely off guard. \n\n//"I can't do that. I'm sorry. It's too much. I don't think we should be together anymore."//she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.<<endif>><<set $significant_Other = false>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
HEY - YOU GUESSED IT, MORE WORDS!\n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThe thought of picking up the phone and calling someone about this right now is overwhelming. Sure, you're having a hard time lately and have motivation issues, but are you really //in need of therapy//? Shouldn't you be able to just get over it yourself? What if they put you on medication that makes you feel like a zombie? What if you go and the therapist looks down on you? What will Alex think about this?\n\nTrying to think about all these things at once makes it feel like a very big deal, and you decide to take your time to think on it.\n\nThe rest of the day passes quickly, and that night you have a hard time trying to sleep because your brain is too busy thinking about all these things, <<if $motivation lte 6>>and imagining all of the ways it could go horribly wrong.<<else>>and it's hard to get any rest that night.<<endif>>\n\nThe next morning, you check your email again with blurry eyes<<if $cat eq true>> and a mewing kitten<<endif>>. Amanda's email is still there, seemingly waiting for you. You are no more decided than you were yesterday.\n\nWhat now?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Just call already - it can't hurt to check it out.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 4>>[[2: Call after wrestling with it for a few minutes longer.|callTherapist]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Call after wrestling with it for a few minutes longer. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Don't call. This is way too much for you to be able to deal with right now.|closeEmail]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 3>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her stay. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"No... Things are fine. It's just what happens after you're with someone for a while..."// you tell her, though you're not even sure you quite believe that yourself.\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"We're just getting used to each other. We're still figuring out how we fit together. We'll get through this."//\n\nAlex calls you out on the platitudes, and you said them with such a lack of conviction that it's hardly surprising. Your panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you, and it turns into a full blown fight. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it you're both saying things that you could never take back. The rift is widening between you, and you're both almost shouting at each other before the conversation hits a brick wall and you both stand there, staring at each other. You've never seen this kind of anger in her eyes.\n\n//"We need to break up. I can't do this anymore."// she says through tears, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. //"You should leave."//\n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a mild Friday afternoon.\n\nAlex calls you from one of her classes telling you that there's going to be a "really awesome" birthday party tonight at her apartment that one of her roommates is throwing. You've hung out with this roommate a few times with Alex, and you get along well enough but aren't particularly close.\n\nYou don't have work in the morning, and have nothing else in particular to do tonight. You are feeling kind of run-down, but you have been fatigued most of the time lately. \n\nYou mention that you're feeling ill because you're not sure how else to explain those feelings to someone else, and say that you aren't sure that you can make it tonight. \n\nThere's a second of silence over your phone, but you can swear you can hear the sound of your partner's face fall.\n\nShe tries to convince you anyway. You haven't seen her this week, and she sounds pretty insistent that you come over. She even drops a few suggestively worded hints that you can stay over with them tonight after the party.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Shake off your funk and go have a good time with your girlfriend.</FONT></del></html>\n[[2: Agree to go.|agreetoGo]]\n[[3: Say that you're really just not feeling well and can't make it|tooSick]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunrise.gif"></center></html>\n\nIt is early on a Monday morning.\n\nYou are a mid-twenties human being. You have a significant other [[named Alex|significantOther]] who you are rather fond of, that you have been seeing exclusively for the past few months. The rest of your [[social circle|socialCircle]] consists of a variety of friends and acquaintances, some of whom you met at your [[day job|dayJob]] which is a little boring, but pays the rent. You'd like to be doing more with your life, [[as would your parents|family]], but you're still in the process of figuring out what that means and how to go about it.\n\nYou are also dealing with motivation issues that sometimes makes dealing with these things difficult. You feel like this is probably your fault, and on bad days can feel inwardly angry and down on yourself for being "lazy", but you're not quite sure how you can break out of it, or how other people deal with these feelings and seem so very functional. \n\nYou spend a lot of nights fixating on thinking about this, but never seem to do anything about it other than lose sleep.\n\n[[Next.|workIt]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is a lazy Sunday morning.\n\nYou are idly clicking around online as your phone rings. Sam, a coworker of yours that you're friendly with, asks how you are and makes hurried smalltalk with you. You typically only ever talk to him on the phone when one of you needs a shift covered, so it's slightly awkward. You're waiting in anticipation for him to ask you to come in on short notice when he veers the conversation in a completely different direction.\n\n//"How do you feel about cats?"//, he asks. //"Mine had kittens a few weeks ago and I'm having an awfully hard time finding a home for the last one of the litter. You don't have any pets, right?"//\n\nIt takes you a moment to process this new information, and you're caught off guard as he begins to earnestly try to sell you on the idea of taking the last kitten off his hands. It's not something that you had specifically considered before, and he seems fairly insistent.\n\n//"She's a real sweetheart, really loves people. She's got all her shots already taken care of and the vet said she's healthy as a horse. I can bring her over by your place tonight if you're interested."//\n\nYou look around your apartment and try to picture a cat in it as he continues to tell you about how cute she is. You tell him that this is all kind of sudden, and that you don't have anything for the kitten set up here. \n\n//"Oh don't worry about that, I can bring over a litterbox and food and all that since you'd really be helping me out of a fix. It's the least I could do! I just don't want to have to put her in a shelter."//\n\nYou can't help but feel like you're being guilt tripped, but you decide to give it some serious consideration. It DOES get awfully lonely around your apartment, and it might feel less empty with a cat around. However, since you've been feeling so down it might not be a good idea to take on the responsibility of a cat even if they are fairly low maintenance. \n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Take the cat, knowing full well that you can take great care of it.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Decline. Even though you'd be totally capable of taking care of it, you're not much of a cat person.</font></del></html>\n[[3: Become a cat owner. You could use the companionship.|kittenGet]]\n[[4: Decline. You're not in a good enough place to be taking on more responsibility right now.|felineDeclined]]\n[[5: Decline. You don't like cats.|noThanks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you, so you decide to put aside your bad mood and simply be with her. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares makes you want to try to melt it away so you can show her how much you care that she's gone through all this trouble. \n\nYou wrap your arms around her and feeling her body against yours takes some of the edge off of your distress. The two of you head to the bedroom, and although you enjoy the closeness, <<if $onMeds eq false>>you're still distracted by your negative feelings earlier and she can pick up on it. Things get a little awkward, and eventually the two of you decide to stop for the night.<<else>>you're having problems getting physically aroused. You've been warned that this could be a likely side effect of the medication you've been taking, but you were hoping that you would be one of the percentage of the population that isn't affected by it.<<endif>>\n\nAs you lay in bed with Alex, she sheepishly asks //"Is... Is there something I'm doing wrong?"//\n\nYou pull her closer. //"No, no, nothing like that. I'm just having... difficulties relaxing."//\n\n//"Oh... Okay..."// she looks at you with uncertainty.\n\n//"I had a bad day at work and I guess I'm kind of distracted."//\n\nA wave of humiliation washes over you as you hold her. You're really embarrassed about your inability to perform, though you're grateful that you got the chance to be close with her anyway. \n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's such a small question, but it feels like a blow to the gut. You surprise yourself when you realize that your tightly clenched fists are now beginning to shake slightly. Despite your best efforts, you feel tears begin to sting at your eyes. You try to disguise this by tilting your head up and praying that they'll suck back in.\n\nShe suggests that you two get out of there, and you feel mortified. She offers to go back to your apartment with you, but the two of you end up talking in her car for two hours as the words just pour forth from you.\n\nAmanda seems unsure of what to say at times, but she listens and rubs your back as you sob and talk. She asks if you've gone to a doctor about this, and you admit that you haven't. She mentions that her mother is seeing a very good therapist in town, and offers to ask her about it. \n\nYou're not thrilled about the idea of going to a therapist and even less thrilled that Amanda might be telling someone about your problems, but she persists and tells you she'll email you the doctor's contact information later in the week.\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = true>>\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>>\nYou look over at Alex, who hasn't noticed you watching her yet, and your feel a strong appreciation for her swell deep in your chest. As the flashing lights of the TV flicker across her eyes, you gently touch the side of her face, getting her attention. \n\n//"Hey. I just wanted to say... Thanks for this. I know it's a bit more boring than your usual Friday nights, and I appreciate you having downtime with me."//\n\nAlex smiles and cuddles up against you a bit closer than she already was. \n\n//"You don't have to thank me for spending time with you, silly. I like this."// she replies, her usual response to when you thank her for the simple things you cherish. \n\nYou close your eyes and rest your head against hers after taking her hand, feeling a bit more reassured and thankful for hearing it out loud. The undercurrent of insecurity in your head is temporarily alleviated through the simple act of reaffirming your bond, and you have a peaceful night with your loved one.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I'm sorry, I just can't right now. I hope you find a good home for her."//\n\nYou sit through a few more sales pitch statements that border on guilt trips and rebut them with fabricated excuses about your landlord not allowing pets before your coworker gives up, and thanks you anyway. You wish him luck in finding a home for her, and as you hang up you feel pangs of guilt as you imagine him having to put her in a shelter. You wonder if the chance of the kitten ending up in a shelter was worse than the chance of you being unable to care for an animal, and you feel pretty awful about yourself regardless. \n\nYour apartment's emptiness feels a lot more palpable suddenly, and you wonder if you could've pulled it off. You consider getting a pet in the future after more careful consideration and preparation. \n\nThe next day at work, you run into your coworker and breathe a sigh of relief as he informs you that he was able to find a good home for the kitten.\n\n//"She's probably way better off than she would be with me."//, you think.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 8>>The time for your appointment has rolled around, but you can't find the energy to go. //Therapy is for people with actual problems//, you think. //I'm pretty tired anyway... I have a lot of work I can get done if I stay home instead...// Your mind comes up with reason after reason to dissuade you from going, and you eventually talk yourself out of showing up.<<else>>The day of your first appointment is here, and the weight of it is crushing. Your mind fixates on how everything will go wrong, how you're not even sure what you would say or do when asked to talk about your problems, or how the therapist will probably not even like you. You lay in bed, feeling paralyzed by these thoughts, and you're unable to snap yourself out of it.<<endif>>\n\nThe rest of the day comes and goes while you try to keep yourself distracted. You alternate between feeling guilty for not going and wasting the therapist's time and beating yourself up for failing at yet another thing. At points in the day, you know you //should// have gone, and are baffled by why you couldn't force yourself to keep the appointment. You use this as another reason to beat yourself up.\n\nAn hour after you were scheduled to be at your appointment, your phone rings. \n\nYou mute your phone and ignore the voicemail.\n\n[[Next.|workSucks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $alexKnows = true>>\n\nYou feel like a jerk for accidentally waking her up, but you're afraid if you put this off any longer that you won't find the strength to tell her everything later. \n\n//"No, actually. Everything isn't ok. Can I tell you something? Something important?"//\n\nAlex sits up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. For the rest of the night you lay side by side, holding hands, as you tell her everything. You tell her how it's more than just feeling sad sometimes, how you feel trapped by your own mind sometimes, how sometimes you feel nothing at all, and how you can't shake it off. <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You tell her how you've started going to therapy, how you feel embarrassed about it, and how it's working out for you.<<endif>>She listens the entire time, occasionally asking questions about how this or that works, or asking you to explain something further. She squeezes your hand and tells you she understands, and that she's sad you didn't tell her sooner.\n\nAfter laying silent for a moment, the weight of what you did hits you. You desperately want her to say something, to tell you how she's feeling about all of this but you're too afraid of what the answer would be to ask. You start convincing yourself that now that she knows everything, she's going to leave. There's no way someone could deal with how you really are. \n\n//"So how can I help? What do you need me to do?// she asks. \n\nYou think for a second, and the answer you come up with fills you with despair. //"I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to fix this, but I don't know that you can do anything. I think it's something I just have to live with."//\n\nShe looks at you with sad eyes before kissing you on the forehead. //"Then I'll live with it with you."//\n\n//"I don't know how you could possibly love me."// \n\nShe rolls over and wraps her arms around your neck, settling her head on top of yours. //"You don't need to. Just know that I do."//\n\n[[Next.|stayingatHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares makes you want to try to melt it away so you can show her how much you care that she's gone through all this trouble. However, you desperately need to shift gears first before that's even possible.\n\n//"You look amazing. Let's have a drink together."// you suggest, hoping that this will give you the push you need to get into the mood. \n\nYou go into the kitchen and pour the two of you drinks, trying to focus on letting go of your bad mood. You sit down on the couch next to her, and she cuddles up to you instantly. \n\n//"What should we toast to?"// she asks as she takes her drink.\n\nYou think for a moment. Passing up the cheesy "to us" option, you say what's on your mind: letting go of your bad day.\n\n//"To tonight."//\n\nThe two of you cheers, and you ask her about her day. Conversation turns flirtatious, and the two of you find yourselves in the bedroom shortly after.<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n\nYou find that you're having trouble getting into things physically with her, and remember that diminished arousal was a possible side effect of your medication. You'd hoped that you were part of the population that wouldn't be affected by it, but it seems as though this was not the case. However, you're able to still enjoy the closeness with Alex, and fall asleep together happily.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAlex sighs. //"Look, if that were the case I would let you know. I don't think you're boring. You're more of a homebody than I am. I'm learning how to deal with that."//\n\n//"Deal with it?"// you think, repeating it in your mind. Does she see you as a problem to be dealt with? You try to pick her reply apart in your mind, and all of your conclusions lead to your previous worry - that you're holding her back. You begin thinking that the phrasing was chosen without too much deliberation, and that despite her attempts at reassuring you, this slip of the tongue revealed her true feelings. \n\nAs you picture how much fun she would be having right now if you had only accepted her invitation and managed to somehow get over your reservations and anxieties (despite not knowing how you would go about that), she cuddles back up to you. \n\n//"Thanks for putting up with me,"// you say, staring at the TV without actually watching it.\n\nShe sighs in response.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
It's a dry fall morning.\n\nYou grab your morning coffee and sit down at your desk to check your email. A new message pops up in your inbox almost as soon as you do. It's from Amanda, and seeing her name in your inbox brings back a vivid memory of your meeting in the cafe and how embarrassed you felt.\n\n//Subj: Hey buddy\nBody: Hey. Sorry it's been a few weeks. I meant to get this to you sooner, but it took a while for me to get a hold of my folks back home. Dad told me to say hi by the way. \n\nAnyway, I'm going to be in town again this Friday and was wondering if you'd like to hang out again, if you weren't too busy. \n\nLet me know!\n\n- A//\n\nYou're still a little embarrassed about how things went last time, but you do genuinely like Amanda and she's one of your oldest friends. You have no other plans this Friday.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Get back to her immediately and tell her you'd be happy to see her.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 8>>[[2. Make plans regardless of your embarrassment.|makePlans]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Make plans regardless of your embarrassment. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 6>>[[3. Apologize for "being weird" last time and make plans with her.|apologizeforExisting]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3. Apologize for "being weird" last time and make plans with her. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4. Tell her you're busy and apologize. You're just not feeling up to it.|feelWeird]]\n\n
You feel a bad episode coming on and have the opportunity to veer out of harm's way if your motivation is high enough
This ends up helping.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou boot up your computer and navigate to the local craigslist. You sift through a myriad of legitimate postings, clear pyramid scams, and the occasional miscategorized random personal ad. You look through the section that is in line with your current job, and start feeling a bit of despair. Would things really be any different if you were simply doing the same thing somewhere else? \n\nYou email your resume to a few of the postings after coming up with a cover letter that you could use for a variety of things. After you've exhausted the postings for the last few days, you head back to the main page. There's a section that's more in line with the project you've been doing, though it's a highly competitive creative field that you don't feel remotely qualified for. \n\nDespite that, you click on the section. Scrolling through the postings, you daydream about actually holding a position where you would get to do something more meaningful. Despite feeling completely intimidated by the requirements, you find a listing you actually want to apply for. You spend an hour crafting a really personal cover letter and really giving your all to the task, and nervously send off the email. \n\nYou're rather convinced you'll never hear back from any of these places, but the act of trying to change your situation instead of stewing on it actually feels quite freeing. You find yourself trying to stifle the hope that you end up getting the creative job, but it still manages to bubble up anyway.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http:://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're already at your stress limit, and you don't feel like you should be taking on more. He's an amazing friend, but you're terrified that you'll end up getting fired if you don't get this done on time. Better that he thinks you're not there than just too busy for him right now, you think. You doubt your ability to be much use to him anyway.\n\nYou close everything else on your computer outside of your work project in an effort to refocus your attempts to get the job done, but you still feel like you're hitting a brick wall. Regardless of how hard you try to force yourself, you keep getting completely burnt out. You go from feeling like a complete fuckup to feeling nothing at all as you stare blankly at your screen unable to make progress. \n\n//"This is going nowhere. I just need to sleep."// You set your alarm to go off a few hours before work with the idea that you'll come back to it then, and you go to bed early.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset4.gif"></center></html>\n\n<html><a href="http://www.beesgo.biz">Zoe Quinn</a></html>: Writing, Coding, Game Design, Photography, Lead Insomniac. \n<html><a href="http://twitter.com/HanFreakinSolo">Patrick Lindsey</a></html>: Writing, Editing, Lead Grumbler.\n\nMusic/sound by <html><a href="http://isaacschankler.bandcamp.com/album/depression-quest">Isaac Schankler</a></html>\nIncludes samples from freesound.org:\n#5 from "people about their collections" by nooitgenoeg\n"bar atmosphere not so busy" by fogma\n"parisian cafe 02" by volivieri\n"typing" by jjastr1\n\nPiano layer based on "Ave Regina Caelorum" by Guillaume Dufay (1397-1474)\n\nSpecial Thanks:\n\nTom Smith, Sos Sosowski, Andy Moore, Patrick Dawson, Cameron Kunzelman, Kyle Baker, Edmund Lewry, Terry Cavanagh, Jonathan Wright, Martin Pilkington, Torbjørn G. Dahle, Ben Johnston, Michael Kwan, Gregory Kinneman, Nathan Grayson, Mary Augstkains, Scott Madin, Ichiro Lambe, Michel McBride-Charpentier, Cheryl Trooskin-Zoller, Phoebe Seiders, Caitlin Blank, Amanda Cosmos, Graham Davis, Ben Abraham, Tam Toucan, Johnicholas Hines, Ashton Raze, Brendan Keogh, Alan Williamson, Alex Androski, Matthew Duhamel, Deirdra Kiai, Danny O'Dwyer, Tom Whitaker, Jason Bakker, Ross Fowkes, Cha Holland, Ghostworks, Mitchell Sutton, Ryan S. Casey, George Shirai, Chris "Leddybear" Leddy, Edmund Adderly, David Carlton, Alex May, Cale Bradbury, Christine Love, Robin Ward, Rachel Helps, Kevin Slackie, Jon 'Meroka' Biggin, K. Adam White, Jason R. Nally, Amanda Williams, Gary Szuslik Jr., Dustin Astarita, Alex Koti, Lew Civ, Aaron Michael Kearns, Ian Cheong, Joakim Sandberg, Kylie Szymesko, and Christopher Juriansz for their amazing support during a really difficult time. This game would have been dead in the water months ago without you all. \n\nTerence Wiggins for his help with trailer ideas, blanket forts, and depression valentines. \n\nBarton Mothersill for being the internet friend one of us needed to get through some dark times.\n\nAnd you, for being willing to play games that are meant to be something other than simply "fun".\n\n<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="www.beesgo.biz/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou take your beer and shift through the crowd until you arrive at Alex's room. The room is actually empty of other partygoers, and you sit on her bed as you set your bag down.\n\nThankful for the personal space and feeling a lot less claustrophobic, you mess around on your phone while you sip your beer. You keep telling yourself you'll go back out in 5 more minutes, but every time the time rolls around to go back out you feel the panic creep in, and you stay rooted to this spot. You figure no one here knows you anyway, so it's unlikely that you'll be missed.\n\nA few minutes later, Alex comes into the room. \n\n//"Oh there you are. I was wondering where you'd gone off to. Figured I might find you here."//\n\nShe sits down on the bed next to you, buzzed enough to be slurring slightly. \n\n//"I'm really glad you turned up tonight. To be honest, I really didn't think you'd show. It's really cool you did. Really."//\n\nYou know she meant it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Do you think something's wrong with me?"//\n\nYou start to feel incredibly insecure as the realization creeps over you. Something you had said in your conversation made it seem like you were defective to her, and you find yourself feeling incredibly exposed.\n\nAmanda pulls away and apologizes profusely. //"Oh no I didn't mean anything by that... I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."//\n\nYou apologize as well, and say that it's probably because you haven't been sleeping well.\n\nShe tries to steer the conversation to one of mutual interest while you're still feeling incredibly embarrassed and vulnerable. You find it hard to focus on what she's actually saying, because you're busy analyzing your behavior in your own head while making small talk.\n\nThe awkward undertone remains, and the outing ends soon after that.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou sit in the driver's seat of your car for several minutes trying to decide what to do. You think of all the help that this could allegedly offer you, and worry desperately about disappointing Amanda if you don't go. Yet at the same time the utter fear of having to talk to a complete stranger about these things is paralyzing. \n\nYou worry about sounding whiny and melodramatic, or that the therapist will be mean or that she won't understand what you're trying to say. You worry that people will find out and that you'll be seen as defective somehow. You sit in the driver's seat of your car for several minutes trying to decide what to do. While you are terrified of seeming melodramatic or defective, more than anything else you're terrified of disappointing Amanda and //not// going. \n\n<<if $motivation gte 6>>While you still aren't sure if her concern is genuine or not, she still took time out to send you this information, and the thought of her accepting disappointment, the look on her sad but knowing face that you've seen in too many others before is, itself, motivation enough for you. You start your car and drive to the therapist's office.<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\n\n[[Next.|gotoTherapy]]<<else>>These thoughts overwhelm you, and your hand feels too heavy to move. No matter how much of you screams //Turn the key. Do this for yourself//, the parts that tell you how pointless it is and how little it matters drown it out. Nothing in you is able to move forward on this, and you go back inside in spite of yourself.\n\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset3.gif"></center></html>\n\nWhile you certainly can't say that things over the past few months have been easy, you're almost ready to let yourself believe that the worst parts are behind you. It may be difficult to see past your self loathing on most days, but even so sometimes you can't help but notice that things do seem to be getting better. \n\nOne of the more difficult challenges you find yourself having to face on a daily basis is your job. In spite of your attempts at positive thinking<<if $in_Therapy eq true>> and other cognitive behavioral techniques Dr. Melville taught you<<endif>>, the prospect of going into work every morning still fills you with dread and ennui. Fortunately, you've been able to contain these feelings for the most part, and at least you've been managing your attendance and keeping your job performance up enough that you aren't making things worse by getting into trouble with your boss. Your employment situation may be far from ideal, but for now you're content to punch the clock and collect your paycheck. On some evenings when you've been feeling particularly motivated, you've even caught yourself hunting through online classifieds and bookmarking some new jobs that look interesting. Who knows - you may not be far from taking a leap and trying for something new.\n\nIt's been some time since you've hung out with any of your friends in earnest, and now that you feel like you're coming out of the woods you're beginning to feel self-conscious about having alienated them over the past little while. You realize that much of your flakiness and subsequent withdrawal was largely a result of trying to hide from them out of embarrassment. The notion of trusting people with your vulnerabilities is very frightening to you, and in your self-loathing you realize that your behavior did cut them out. Though it will take a huge leap of faith on your part, you resolve to repair your social relationships. You've started sending out casual messages to some of your friends asking to hang out, and for the most part the responses have been more encouraging than you were expecting. \n\nThings with Alex were quite tense for a while. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>After your conversation with her, she really did seem to be taking a more active role in helping to understand your situation.<<else>>Though you never had the courage to outright talk to her about what you were going through, she always made her best effort to be as supportive a partner as possible.<<endif>> Even so, the past few months tested the limits of your relationship to the limit. <<if $significant_Other eq true>>Ultimately, you were able to take her advice and step outside of your own head more and more. It was a difficult thing for you to do; your defense mechanisms ran so deeply that oftentimes you weren't even aware of them, but you let yourself trust her as your partner and your relationship has become much stronger for the experience.<<else>>Despite Alex's genuine effort, you ultimately found it too difficult to be able to step outside your own head enough to let yourself actually try and work through things together, and she eventually decided she couldn't be with someone who "loved being miserable more than she loved her." Her loss hit you hard and snapped you into reality; you've been taking her advice and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone lately. The two of you recently went out for coffee for the first time since the split, and while your future is uncertain, she did seem genuinely happy that you're doing better now.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $inTherapy eq true>>Dr. Melville seems optimistic about your progress, and <<if $onMeds eq true>>the medication seems to be helping (or at least not hurting), so <<endif>>you've resolved to stick with it, at least for now.<<endif>>\n\nDespite all the clear progress you've made lately, you still carry the weight of your insecurities practically everywhere with you, and you even have some days still where you can't do much at all. On these days, it's very tempting for you to slip back into older, unhealthy habits, but much to your own surprise, you've so far managed to avoid a major backslide. You know that you have a long way to go before you can feel like your life isn't spinning totally out of control, and even when you do you'll never //ever// be rid of your depression completely, but you have a strong support network and for the first time you can remember you're actually feeling optimistic. \n\n//"Things are alright, mom// you tell her. While you see her mouth tighten in worry, her eyes soften when she sees you smiling.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt is early on a Wednesday morning. \n\nLately you've developed a nasty habit of waking up 10 - 20 minutes //before// your alarm rings, and unfortunately today is no exception. You lay in bed, each minute ticking closer and closer to "wake up time" and passing on a swelling wave of ever-encroaching dread.\n\nSooner than you would like, your alarm blares with caustic inevitability. You frantically pound the snooze button and then retreat under your blankets, as if the warmth of your comforter can shield you from the passage of time. \n\nYou almost always have difficulty rising from bed, but today that simple task seems nothing short of herculean. After several snooze cycles, you decide that you just can't deal with work today; you're incapable of even rousing yourself from bed, let alone going into work and having to force yourself through a work day. Not to mention, you've "snoozed" so many times that it would be impossible to make it in on time now anyways. \n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Hop out of bed and start getting ready for work. You'll be late, but it's better than not going in at all.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[2: Head into work. At least you can leave early if it gets too unbearable.|gotoWork]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Head into work. At least you can leave early if it gets too unbearable.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Call your boss to tell him you're sick and won't be in today.|callinSick]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
You have hit placeholderland which means there's no content for this decision yet. FLY AWAY NERD\n[[Please hit "reset" or go back.|Next]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a cold Saturday afternoon. \n\nYou've just arrived at Alex's apartment, and you're happy to finally see her after a week of absence due to your schedules not lining up due to work and school. You hug her in the doorway but she breaks away sooner than normal and sits down on the couch as you take off your sneakers and lay them in the usual place, right next to hers.\n\n//"There's something I was hoping we could talk about, actually."// She says.\n<<if $partnerHP gte 3>>\nYou instantly worry that you're being blind sided by a break up conversation due to the sudden shift in tone, but she quickly smiles and puts you at ease once she sees all of the color leave your face.\n\n//"It's nothing bad! I promise!"// With that she leads you over to the couch and sits on the other end of it, facing you. \n\n//"So. I hope this doesn't freak you out, and if you feel like things are going too fast just tell me."// She talks faster than usual and fidgets. //"We seem to have a lot of weeks like this and they really suck. I was thinking I'd ask, since things are so strong with us, what are your thoughts on maybe moving in together?"//\n\nIt takes a few seconds to sink in, and leaves you a bit shocked when it does. You were worried she wanted to spend less time with you, not more. \n\n//"Do you want to?"// you ask.\n\n//"Well... yeah, I do. I mean, we'd have to sort out logistics and everything but those are all things we can take care of."// \n\nYou start to walk through the steps of imagining the two of you living together. You love the thought of being able to wake up next to her every day and seeing her so often. However the more you picture it, the more a few concerns become apparent. There are things she is insulated from, like the days you don't feel like you can even get out of bed, <<if $on_Meds eq true>>the nights your medication keeps you from being able to sleep,<<else>>the frequent nights you're unable to shut your brain up long enough to sleep,<<endif>> all of those moments you're stuck staring at the wall, completely out of energy and feeling nothing. How would she handle that? How quickly would she want to get away? \n\n//"So,"// she starts, //"What do you think?"//\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Take your relationship to the next step with ease. Move in together.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell her you want to but have concerns, and discuss them honestly</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell her you want to but have concerns, and discuss them honestly.|totalHonesty]]<<endif>>\n[[2. Tell her you don't think it's a good idea for you right now.|dontmoveIn]]\n[[3. Decide to move in regardless of your worries.|moveinBlindly]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $partnerHP eq 2>>You feel anxious at hearing those words, and move to take a seat on the couch. Your heart starts to race - is this one of those "we need to talk" situations? Has she finally had enough of your baggage? Did the week apart make her realize how much better things are without you?\n\nShe sits down across from you on the couch, and you can tell by the look on her face that she isn't looking forward to saying what she's about to, and you feel your grip tighten on the couch cushion.\n\n//"So..."// She starts. She breaks eye contact and takes a deep breath, which spikes your anxiety. //"Things with us have felt kind of... weird lately. It's like you've been really distant, and I'm not sure how to take it."//\n\n//"I guess I just want to make sure you still wanna do this. Us, I mean."//<<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\nShe notices you gripping the couch. //"I mean, I know you have... difficulties, with your situation I mean... I just..."// She looks at your face, seemingly searching. //"I don't know how much has to do with it, or if it has to do with me, or..."//<<endif>>\n\n//"I just want to know where we stand."// She looks at you with uncertainty and you can practically see the knot of pain in her chest.\n\nYou try to reign in your kneejerk reaction to run. Unsure of what to say to that, your mind races. You know you have to choose your next words carefully. Though the self deprecation rages in your mind, you try to think through it. You try to sort out what you really want to do here. A myriad of feelings is boiling inside you - which one do you do you listen to?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Recommit to your relationship with ease and grow closer for the experience.</font></del></html>\n[[2: End things for her own good. You're clearly not making her happy.|notgoodenoughforHer]]\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.|cantdothisNow]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: You still want this. Reassure her that you are committed to working through things.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[4: You still want this. Reassure her that you are committed to working through things.|genuinelyreassureHer]]<<endif>>\n[[5: You still want this. Say whatever you can to make her stay, regardless of your concerns.|hideyourFeelings]]\n[[6: Yes, there has been distance. Attempt to solve it by asking her to move in.|blindlymoveIn]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $partnerHP lte 1>>You feel anxious at hearing those words, and move to take a seat on the couch. Your heart starts to race - is this one of those "we need to talk" situations? Has she finally had enough of your baggage? Did the week apart make her realize how much better things are without you?\n\nShe sits down across from you on the couch, and you can tell by the look on her face that she isn't looking forward to saying what she's about to, and you feel your grip tighten on the couch cushion.\n\n//"So..."// She starts. She breaks eye contact and takes a deep breath, which spikes your anxiety. //"Things with us have felt kind of... weird lately. It's like you've been really distant, and I don't feel connected to you like I used to."//\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\nShe starts to tear up. //"I mean, I know you have... difficulties, with your situation I mean... I just..."// Her voice cracks. //"I wish I could be ok with everything, I wish I could help you through it all, but I don't know that I can..."//\n\n//"I feel like such a monster... But I don't think this is working anymore..."//<<else>>\n\nShe starts to tear up. //"I mean, I don't know what's going on with you... I barely feel connected to you anymore... It's like when you're here, you're not really *here*. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't make you happy!"//\n\n//"It's killing me to say this but..."// Her voice cracks. //"I don't think I can do this anymore..."//<<endif>>\n\nYou try to reign in your kneejerk reaction to run. Unsure of what to say to that, your mind races. You know you have to choose your next words carefully. Though the self deprecation rages in your mind, you try to think through it. You try to sort out what you really want to do here. A myriad of feelings is boiling inside you - which one do you listen to?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Sway her opinion and come back from this as a couple, stronger than ever.</font></del></html>\n[[2: End this. You're not making her happy.|notgoodenoughforHer]]\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3: You're having difficulty managing the relationship and your personal life. Break things off, for you.|cantdothisNow]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: Tell her you're dealing with a lot right now and ask her to stay while you figure it out.</font></del></html><<else>>[[4: Tell her you're dealing with a lot right now and ask her to stay while you figure it out.|pleasedontGo]]<<endif>>\n[[5: Tell her she's wrong about things. You can still make this work.|youreWrong]]\n[[6: Invite her to move in with you to solve the distance issue.|blindlymoveIn]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = true>><<if $shotdownbyMom eq true>>Though it didn't go so well when you tried to talk to your mother,<<else>>Though you find it hard to lay out how you're feeling lately to other people,<<endif>> you decide to test the waters on opening up to Amanda. She's always been easy to talk to, and you feel like it's possible that she might be understanding of what's been going on with you even if you think it doesn't make sense sometimes.\n\nYou begin to dance around the subject, dipping your toe into the pool to test the water. Surprisingly, she catches on quickly and is even able to guess what you may say next. She asks the right questions, leading you to elaborate on your emotional state. You apologize profusely the entire time, feeling like you're being obnoxious but she reassures you that you aren't burdening her. \n\nAmanda reveals to you that her mother suffers from clinical depression, and that she has spent many nights talking her through very similar feelings. She mentions that therapy and medication have helped her tremendously, and suggests you give it a try. You fight it and feel somewhat like a charity case, but she tells you that she'll get the number of her mother's therapist and email it to you as soon as she can. \n\nAfterward, conversation drifts back to small talk and shared hobbies, and you spend a pleasant afternoon together. For the rest of the day you find yourself wondering if therapy or medication can really help you, if you have an illness or are simply complaining too much, and remember horror stories you've heard about antidepressants. \n\nYou're not sure about what you'll do if she remembers to email you the number for the therapist, and you secretly hope that she'll forget about it so you can avoid dealing with it at all.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're feeling like you've hit a brick wall with your task, so why not take a break and help out a friend? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Hey. What's up?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh good you're there</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: um</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i just found out i got cheated on</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i don't know what to do</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Oh no, that's horrible!</font></html>\n\nThe two of you talk for a long time, and you lend a shoulder to your friend. You give him space to rant, to cry, and most importantly to be able to voice his inner turmoil. You give him your full attention, and talk him through what his options are for what he does next. You keep him from doing something rash, and the two of you decide it's best for him to sleep on it before doing anything. Exhausted, he departs for bed and thanks you for being there to talk with him.\n\nAs you close the IM window, you feel horribly sorry for your friend, but happy that you were able to help. It serves as a tangible reminder to you that you're capable of being useful to someone instead of solely being a mess that needs everyone else's help.\n\nYou boot up your work project and find that you're suddenly able to get some solid progress done on it that night.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, and you want to answer for it. You desperately want this relationship to continue, to be stronger. It's one of the few good things in your life, and you feel like you owe her so much for helping you as much as she has. Owning up to your failings is hard, but you push through your insecurities for her.\n\n//"You're right. You're absolutely right."// you say. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>\n\n//"A lot of it has to do with my depression. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to be a good partner to you while struggling with my illness."// you take her hand, squeezing it. //"That's not an excuse, I know. I'm trying to figure this out as I go."//<<else>>\n\n//"I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with sometimes. Hell, I have trouble dealing with myself a lot of the time. Sometimes I get so wrapped up with that that I end up being a bad partner. And I am so sorry for that."// you take her hand, squeezing it. //"That's not meant to be an excuse. I just want to figure this thing out, together."//<<endif>>\n\nThe two of you talk about it further, and you apologize for letting her down. She listens, and you both talk about your feelings. You end up discussing ways that the two of you can be better at being there for one another, and the conversation ends up being a very positive thing for your relationship. \n\n//"So... are we ok?"// you ask, a while later.\n\nShe smiles at you. //"Yeah. Yeah, we are."//\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh okay!</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: let's find you a doctor then :)</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: just remember</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: there's nothing wrong with having depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you wouldn't be ashamed to have bronchitis or something</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: so there's no reason to be ashamed if it's your brain that's sick instead</font></html>\n\nYou google around with Attic and after a bit of searching you find a doctor that has gotten really good reviews.<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>> You recognize the number as the same one that Amanda had emailed you a few weeks back and feel a bit ashamed for failing to do this sooner.<<endif>> You make a note of it, and tell Attic you plan on calling her in the morning before work. \n\nYou end up going to bed after that, with a slight sense of accomplishment.<<if $cat eq true>> Your kitten pads over and curls up at your feet<<else>> You tuck yourself into bed<<endif>>, with the thought of maybe feeling better soon on your mind. You try not to get your hopes up as you drift off to sleep.\n\n[[Next.|therapy2]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou read through Amanda's e-mail two or three times, then sit and stare at your computer for a while. While the memory of that uncomfortable conversation makes you feel newly embarrassed and self-conscious, part of you is also encouraged by the fact that she cared enough to get back to you at all.\n\nSitting in front of your computer, you start to question things like whether or not Amanda sent you this number out of pity, or perhaps some sense of obligation after having listened to you. You question her motives and the validity of her concern, and whether or not you think seeing a therapist would even be helpful.\n\nYet almost unconsciously, you reach for your phone and before you realize what's happening, you're listening to the therapist's line ring. Before you can bring yourself to hang up, you're listening to the slightly clinical but not unpleasant voice of the receptionist ask how she can help you. \n\n//Uh, I...I'd like to make an appointment with the...the doctor,// you manage to stammer out.\n\nThe conversation is quick and not nearly as unpleasant as you were fearing, and quicker than you can say "Freudian slip" you've scheduled an appointment.\n\nQuicker than you realize, Appointment Day rolls around.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Go to the therapist's office.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Head to the therapist's office, even though you're totally unsure of what to expect.|gotoTherapy]]\n[[3: Sit in your car, terrified, and try and talk yourself into/out of going.|sitinCar]]\n[[4: Just the thought of going to your appointment ties your stomach in knots. You crawl back into bed.|skipAppt]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>You look at Alex's face, and you feel your heart break. You've never meant to hurt her, and you are torn up that you've caused her pain. It's an expression you're not unfamiliar with, it's one you've seen flash across her face many times during your time together. You can't help but feel like you've let her down, like you're a weight around her ankle. You're hit by this overpowering feeling of failure - you're supposed to be her partner, an uplifting influence on her life, not dragging her down to where you are.\n\nYou think about the future - where is this going anyway? You're not sure you could ever be what she needs. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you the closer you get.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't fully know about your condition or how low you get. You feel as though if she were to have to deal with it more and more, to know about it first hand as you get closer, there is no possible way that she would want to stay with you.<<endif>>\n\n//"I..."// you start to speak but the words choke in your throat. None of this feels real. \n\n//"I think we should break up..."// the words feel foreign as you speak them, as if they were a collection of sounds rather than the death knell for your relationship. \n\nSoon enough, both of you are in tears as you talk through it. You're both devastated, but settle on breaking up. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> It's going to take you a long time to get over her, but in the moments that you feel a brief clarity of mind, you take a small comfort in hoping that she can find someone who is better for her now.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I don't...// you start, unsure of how to phrase how you're feeling in a way that doesn't hurt her. \n\nEven at those two words, her face is falling. //"Right... this is sudden..."// she says, clutching the top of her robe closed. \n\n//"No, no, it's not you I-"//\n\nShe cuts you off. //"It's not you, it's me, right? It's ok, I get it..."// She moves to her bookshelf and blows out some candles you had failed to notice. //"It was cheesy anyway."//\n\nThe hurt in her voice cuts you down to your core. You can tell she feels rejected by you, and everything feels like it's happening so quickly and slipping through your fingers. You wish you were telepathic and could let her know exactly how you feel about her, so that she wouldn't be wounded by your own mood.\n\n//"This was all really nice, I just have had a hard day and-"// you stammer, but she leaves the room and you hear the bedroom door close. Unsure of what else to do, you sit down on her couch to wait for her to return.\n\nYou feel terrible for hurting her, when she clearly meant nothing but good. Although you didn't want to have sex with her right this moment, you are beating yourself up for handling it so poorly. Why couldn't you find the right words to let her down gently, without her thinking that she had done something wrong? Why do you have to be such a shitty partner?\n\nShe emerges from her room, now dressed. Her eyes are red, but you can tell she is trying to not show that she was crying.\n\n//"I uh... I actually have to do a lot of coursework... So maybe you should head home. This was kind of a dumb idea anyway. Sorry."//\n\n//"Okay..."// you mutter, not wanting to make things worse. \n\nA couple of seconds of silence pass as neither of you are sure of what to say from there. You leave with a quick goodbye, and curse yourself the entire way home.\n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a sunny Saturday afternoon.\n\nYou're in deep thought on the way home from therapy. However you notice this time that you're not in the same negative feedback loops you usually get trapped in when being this introspective. You realize that, although you still have your bad days, your lows aren't quite as low as they used to be. \n\nYour antidepressant's bottle rolls across your dashboard as you take a left turn. You've been on this medication for quite a while now after a period of trying a few different kinds. Though you still have minor side effects, they've overall become an unnoticed part of your life. \n\nYou feel as if your life has generally changed for the better recently, and you begin to wonder if you need them anymore. You don't feel as much despair or hopelessness, and you hate yourself a lot less these days. \n\n//"Maybe it's time to stop taking these,"// you think, //"I seem to not really need them anymore."//\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[1. Continue taking your medication.|keepTaking]]\n[[2. Go off meds.|gooffMeds]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a glaringly sunny Monday, and one of the few days that your brother Malcolm is in town and free long enough for you two to actually see each other. \n\nYou have a dental appointment that day but you make plans for him to pick you up afterward.\n\nYour appointment takes a little longer than expected because your dentist tells you that you've started grinding your teeth in your sleep to a worrying degree. Given how nearly everything in your life has been feeling enormous and stressful lately, this doesn't come as a surprise to you. He suggests that you try to reduce your stress levels and fits you for a night guard. It feels awkward and too big for your mouth, and you feel embarrassed looking at your puffed out face in the mirror with it in. You finish up the appointment in a hurry and leave about a half an hour overdue for meeting your always punctual brother in the parking lot.\n\nYou finish up as quickly as possible and leave the building to scan the parking lot for your brother's car, but you don't see his old Civic anywhere. You pass by a blue Camero and jump as it beeps at you, causing you to jump in surprise. It takes you a moment for to realize it, but it's Malcolm in the driver's seat. \n\nYou hop in the passengers seat and compliment him on his new ride and he mentions that it's a perk of a promotion he's recently obtained at work. He starts telling you about how much more money he's making, how his career is really taking off, and how he's starting to look at houses with his wife soon. \n\nYou clutch the bag containing the night guard in your hand and feel yourself clench your teeth as you think of your crummy apartment and how long it's been since you've been able to take a day off work without having to worry about making ends meet. He's only 2 years older than you, but it feels like he's eons ahead of you in every other aspect of your lives.\n\n//"So..."// he asks, //"How did your appointment go? Did you get drilled full of holes or what?"//\n\nA sense of shame creeps over you.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Laugh about your dorky night guard with your brother.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 7>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Tell him about the night guard and why you need it.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: Tell him about the night guard and why you need it.|resolution3]]<<endif>>\n[[3: (Lie) Tell him it was a routine cleaning.|resolution1]]\n[[4: Tell him about your tooth grinding problem, but not the stress causing it.|resolution2]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
Zoe Quinn & Patrick Lindsey
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nWhen you wake up the next morning, short of feeling well rested you actually feel //more// stressed out. While it was definitely nice to get a break from work, you're now faced with a new problem you hadn't considered before: you still have to go to work today. While you aren't having the same problems physically getting out of bed you were having yesterday, the prospect of having to face your boss after missing a day of work does not seem appealing in the slightest.\n\nYou worry that your absence won't be seen as believable or legitimate, that your coworkers and boss will think you were just trying to half-assedly play hooky. Or worse, you fear that someone will actually ask you what's //wrong.// Being caught in that instance and having to either make up a half-baked excuse or worse, that they'll see right through you and //know//, quickly has your mood matching the drizzly weather outside. You know that you have to go into work, but your fear of being perceived as either lazy or defective is making you regret yesterday's decision to take the day off, and ultimately you feel worse for it.\n\n[[Next.|sleeplessNight]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catte4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou've never been a fan of cats. You feel like they all hate you, and you figure you have enough hate coming from your own inner monologues already. \n\n//"I'm sorry, I just can't right now. I hope you find a good home for her."//\n\nYou sit through a few more sales pitch statements that border on guilt trips and rebut them with fabricated excuses about your landlord not allowing pets before your coworker gives up, and thanks you anyway. You wish him luck in finding a home for her, and as you hang up you feel pangs of guilt as you imagine him having to put her in a shelter. \n\nThe next day at work, you run into your coworker and breathe a sigh of relief as he informs you that he was able to find a good home for the kitten.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
//this messes up your therapy's effectiveness.//\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIn spite of the fact that your body is actively fighting you literally every step of the way, you somehow manage to drag yourself out of bed and make your way into work. Surprisingly, you end up only being about 5 minutes late and nobody seems to notice or care.\n\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>Though when you woke up the simple act of being even physically present at your job seemed like an impossibility, you are surprised at your own ability to push on through the day. While you are far from enjoying, or indeed even really //coping// with the dullness of your job today, you seem to have slipped into a trance-like state of automation and time is nevertheless passing. Eventually the end of the day rolls around, and you head home, utterly exhausted but at the same time almost proud of yourself for having stuck it out. <<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\n\n[[Next.|sleeplessNight]]<<else>>You find it hard to shake the ennui you woke up with, and as your morning passes you can physically //feel// your focus draining away. You find yourself spending most of your time absently staring at the clock, trying to will the time to pass more quickly, but this only has the effect of draining you even more. The thought that you should have just stayed home today invades your brain with increasing frequency, until it dominates your thought, cycling over and over again in your head like a mantra. When lunch time finally arrives, you pull your boss aside and tell him you're not feeling well and that you need to leave. You can tell he's less than thrilled, but lets you go anyway.\n<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\n[[Next.|thenextDay]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's yet another sleepless Thursday night.\n\nYou're at Alex's apartment, wide awake in bed as she's sleeping peacefully beside you. She fell asleep hours ago, and you've been laying here unable to shut your brain up long enough to fall asleep. You've added the feelings of insecurity about your relationship to the rest of the noise in your head keeping you up tonight.\n\nIt was kind of a tense night between the two of you. You arrived after a stressful day at work, and as you made dinner together you barely said a word. You were stuck in your own head and had a hard time really being present with her as your thoughts turned to all of the ways you feel like you're deficient at being a good person and beating yourself up mentally for each one. \n\nShe told you she could tell you were in "one of your moods" and said that she wouldn't push you, but missed talking to you as the two of you sat on the couch together. You wanted to tell her how much you love her, but you couldn't make the words come out right and ended up sounding defensive instead.\n\nAs you lay there next to her now, you trace your fingers across her arm just lightly enough to not wake her. You still haven't explained your depression to her<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>, or how you've started seeing a therapist<<endif>><<if $on_Meds eq true>>, or that you've been taking medication<<endif>>, and it's starting to feel more and more like a secret you're keeping instead of something she simply doesn't know about you yet. It's becoming more and more apparent that it's impacting your relationship with her, and you feel guilty about this. However you're also terrified that if she knew exactly how fucked up you are that she would leave you - you already worry that she's only with you because she doesn't realize how terrible of a person you are yet, and you're afraid that this would be the final thing to expose you.\n\nShe stirs in her sleep and squints as she opens her eyes. With the confusion that comes with waking up, she asks you if you're awake, and then if everything's ok.\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Open up to her with ease.</font></del></html>\n[[2: Tell her about your situation.|tellherEverything]]\n[[3: Tell her it's nothing and that she should go back to sleep.|itsfinestopAsking]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou're one of the few people you know of whose parents never got divorced, but you do wonder if they still love each other sometimes. \n\nYou have an older brother named Malcolm who has moved across the country with his wife to work a high paying job. Every major holiday that you see him at, you feel a bit jealous and like the lesser kid despite being genuinely happy to see him. You feel very ashamed of these feelings. \n\nYour parents genuinely care about you. This often involves inviting you back to your childhood home for dinner, though your mother thinks you never visit quite enough. But you get the impression they don't fully understand you. They want to see you succeed, and don't know why you haven't gone farther in life yet because you're "so smart and talented". Any time you've tried to talk to them about your motivation issues, they tell you that the solution is simply to work harder, or want it more. Your father is generally more forgiving of your lack of a career path, while your mother seems to think you're "too smart" to be in the position you're in. \n\nYou know they love you and that they're not bad people, but you really feel like a big disappointment sometimes.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/shoes4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't know about your condition or how low you get. You feel that you have to tell her more details, no matter how gutwrenchingly hard it may be to admit to how awful you feel, in order for her to make an informed decision.<<endif>>\n\n//"Well, I'd like to, but I think it's best if we talk about it a bit more before committing to a decision."//\n\n<<if $alexKnows eq true>>Though she seems a little defeated, you make it clear that you're not making excuses and actually mean that you want to talk. You reiterate a lot of what you've told Alex that night, and although she gets a little defensive and tells you that she knows all of that already, she confirms that she is willing to help you sort through your issues.\n\n//"I feel like you forget I love you sometimes. I know that there will be bad days, and I'd rather try to work through them with you. We can figure all of this out. Together."//\n\nHer words sway you, and you can't help but hold her close to you.<<else>>Though she seems a little defeated at first, you make it clear that you're not making excuses and actually mean that you want to talk this out with her. \n\nIt's incredibly difficult for you to open up about this, but you take her hand and try to. You tell her how it's more than just feeling sad sometimes, how you feel trapped by your own mind sometimes, how sometimes you feel nothing at all, and how you can't shake it off. She listens the entire time, occasionally asking questions how this or that works, or asking you to explain something further. She squeezes your hand and tells you she understands, and that she's sad you didn't tell her sooner.\n\nAfter laying silent for a moment, the weight of what you did hits you. You desperately want her to say something, to tell you how she's feeling about all of this but you're too afraid of what the answer would be to ask. You start convincing yourself that now that she knows everything, she's going to leave. There's no way someone could deal with how you really are. \n\n//"So how can I help? What do you need me to do?// she asks. \n\nYou think for a second, and the answer you come up with fills you with despair. //"I honestly don't know. I wish I knew how to fix this, but I don't know that you can do anything. I think it's something I just have to live with."//\n\nShe looks at you with sad eyes before kissing you on the forehead. //"Then I'll live with it with you."//\n\n//"I don't know how you could possibly love me."// \n\nShe kisses your hand and looks in to your eyes. //"You don't need to. Just trust know that I do."//\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hold4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a rainy night.\n\nYou are hurrying through the rain to Alex's apartment at her behest. Though your pace is quick, the rain is steadily soaking up your pant legs as you traverse the town, and it's darkening your already poor mood. \n\nThe call came while you were at home after a day of dealing with abnormally frustrating people. You'd spent the afternoon trying to unwind and get some work on your project done. Alex called and interrupted one of your "try to make progress, get frustrated at not making progress, have a harder time making progress due to frustration, repeat" loops and you haven't fully shaken off the feelings of being annoyed with yourself from it yet. \n\nYou knock on her door, and on the third knock hear her voice call from further in the apartment to come on in. As you cross the threshold, dripping rainwater all the way, you notice that the lights are turned down very low in the apartment. You squint to navigate it as you clutch on to your damp umbrella, but end up hitting your shin on a side table, mumbling a profanity under your breath.\n\nYou barely make out Alex emerging from the hallway, clad in what looks to be a robe with the bare skin of her legs peering out underneath. \n\n"Why don't you come in and... warm up?" she asks in her designated, slightly cheesy, "sexy" voice.\n\nAfter a beat of silence, she states more naturally "My roommates are out of town this weekend so I thought it might be nice to have a little fun while they're away."\n\nYou appreciate her affection, but you're too wrapped up in your own negative feedback loops to be in the mood right now.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<<if $motivation gte 12>>[[1: Let go of your stress and be intimate with your girlfriend.|intimacy]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Let go of your stress and be intimate with your girlfriend.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 6>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try to unwind with her before getting physical.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2: Try to unwind with her before getting physical.|letsgetPhysicalPhysical]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 3>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Suggest you do something else instead.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3: Suggest you do something else instead.|tellhernoThanks]]<<endif>>\n[[4: Tell her you're not in the mood.|rejectHer]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAs Alex leaves, you are not quite sure what to do with yourself. Standing in the middle of the room leaves you feeling kind of exposed, and you don't feel ballsy enough to randomly approach any of the groups of people clustered together talking.\n\nYou head to a clear spot on the back wall, and lean against it. For some reason, this always feels a lot more secure. You scan the party for a familiar face or any sign of your partner, and come up with nothing. Not sure what else to do, and worrying that you must look creepy just standing there watching everyone, you take out your phone to busy yourself. \n\nTwenty semi-tedious games of //Bejeweled Blitz// later, your partner returns. You spend the rest of the night with Alex, occasionally being introduced to people, and nodding along with group conversations even if you don't participate that much.\n\nAt the end of the night, as you're falling asleep with your girlfriend in the crook of your arm, she thanks you again for coming. Half-drunk, she confides that she thought you were going to flake out, and was pleasantly surprised that you managed to come out. \n\nShe says it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
//Family Christmas. You have a quiet moment alone with your brother in your childhood house and you tell him how you are.//
<<silently>>\n<<set $motivation = 9>>\n<<set $malcolmKnows = false>>\n<<set $on_Meds = false>>\n<<set $in_Therapy = false>>\n<<set $significant_Other = true>>\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda = false>>\n<<set $partnerHP = 3>>\n<<set $shotdownbyMom = false>>\n<<set $talked_to_Amanda_2nd = false>>\n<<set $cat = false>>\n<<set $jobHP = 3>>\n<<set $friendHP = 3>>\n<<set $alexKnows = false>>\n<<set $talked_to_Internet = false>>\n<<set $movedIn = false>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/title.gif"></center></html>\n\n//Depression Quest// is a game that deals with living with depression in a very literal way. This game is not meant to be a fun or lighthearted experience. If you are currently suffering from the illness and are easily triggered, please be aware that this game uses stark depictions of people in very dark places. If you are suicidal, please stop playing this game and visit <html><a href="http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx">this link to talk to someone.</a></html> \n\nThe goal of this game is twofold: firstly, we want to illustrate as clearly as possible what depression is like, so that it may be better understood by people without depression. Hopefully this can be something to spread awareness and fight against the social stigma and misunderstandings that depression sufferers face. Secondly, our hope is that in presenting as real a simulation of depression as possible, other sufferers will come to know that they aren't alone, and hopefully derive some measure of comfort from that. \n\nIt goes without saying that because of the very nature of depression, it is experienced differently by every person who suffers from it. We aren't trying to say that this is the "best" or "most accurate" representation, merely that this is an amalgamation of the experiences of the developers and several people close to them. Many of the following encounters deal with issues such as therapy, medication, handling a love life, and reaching out to support networks. In reality, less than half of depression sufferers actually seek treatment, for reasons such as lack of money, perceived personal failing, or public stigma. These things were included in order to touch upon as broad a range as possible, since all these elements can be very important to sufferers of depression, though they will likely not be the experiences of most sufferers.\n\nIt's important to recognize that not everyone with depression is so lucky. Many people with the illness don't have a lot of the luxuries that we have in this game. We've written it this way so that we can focus specifically on the illness, which becomes more and more difficult to deal with as the person who has it is less and less well-off.\n\nFor that reason, a portion of the proceeds from this game will be donated to <html><a href="http://www.ifred.org/">iFred.org</a></html> to help support depression treatment and education. <html><a href="http://sbx.sk/A6Fz">Click here if you'd like to contribute (or paypal patrick [at] pixelsordeath.com if it's giving you trouble)</a></html>\n\nThis game uses audio as part of it's gameplay. We encourage you to play with your sound on.\n\nThank you for playing.\n\n[[Begin.|Next]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit down at the computer and open your chat client. Attic is indeed online, and the two of you catch up briefly before you start passing links to news stories and weird YouTube videos back and forth. Eventually, he asks if you would like to play a multiplayer game with him, and you start the download. Realizing you haven't eaten yet, you tell him you'll be back in time for the download to finish after you've made yourself dinner.\n\nOut in the kitchen, you notice the time on your microwave. Several hours more than you had expected had passed, and you've only just realized it. Though it's not going out to a bar with people, you feel like this had taken the edge off the loneliness that you were experiencing earlier. Even though he's an "internet friend", sometimes when you are too down to be social, he's the perfect person to talk to. You connect with him on a meaningful level, and you've found it easier to be yourself while talking to him than you do in most face to face social interactions. When you're down, you find yourself using this as another reason to feel like a loser, as though you could only make friends if they didn't have to deal with you in person, but for now you're relieved to be around him.\n\nYou finish making your sandwich and sit back down at your computer. Your download has finished, and attic's waiting on you to start.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou begin doing mental back flips to convince yourself you don't actually need to be here in an attempt to reconcile your fear of going to therapy with your desire to feel better. You've internalized some of the negative stigmas attached to seeking help for mental health, and you use these as arguments against yourself. \n\n//I'm not broken enough to be here,// you tell yourself. //I have a job and a girlfriend, and this is only for people who REALLY need help.//\n\n//I should just get over myself.// Part of you is SCREAMING, because you KNOW if that were possible you would not be standing here right now. You KNOW you've tried so hard to exorcize this unnamed ghost that haunts your life, to no avail. But you can't seem to let yourself walk into the building.\n\nCognitive dissonance runs rampant in your head as you are simultaneously convinced that you both don't need or deserve the help.\n \nYou turn to walk away and notice the office is calling you. Panicking, you silence your phone as you head home.\n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 16>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP gte 4>><<set $partnerHP = 3>><<endif>><<if $partnerHP lte 0>><<set $partnerHP = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><<display 'motivation_1'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><<display 'motivation_2'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><<display 'motivation_3'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><<display 'motivation_4'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><<display 'motivation_5'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><<display 'motivation_6'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><<display 'motivation_7'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><<display 'motivation_8'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><<display 'motivation_9'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><<display 'motivation_10'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><<display 'motivation_11'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><<display 'motivation_12'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><<display 'motivation_13'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><<display 'motivation_14'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><<display 'motivation_15'>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><<display 'motivation_16'>><<endif>>\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her feel better. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"I'll find some way to start spending more time with you, I promise!"// you tell her, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. //"I know I can be really stupid sometimes but I'll be better, I'll figure out some way to be better, just... Just don't go."//\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"I know I'm hard to deal with, that this stupid brain of mine makes me do stupid things and..."// you start to hate yourself for saying these things, for sounding so pathetic. //"Just... just tell me what I can do to make things right and I'll do it... Anything."//\n\nYour panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you. You're verbally flailing for the right answers, and she calls them out as being platitudes. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it she's crying.\n\n//"I... I think we should break up. I can't do this anymore..."// she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $on_Meds = true>><<set $in_Therapy = false>>\nThe mention of medication makes you feel somehow even more embarrassed and defective. In fact, you realize that much of your experience with therapy has been fighting off these creeping feelings of inadequacy. You don't have a problem with Dr. Melville //per se;// she's nice enough and you certainly don't //dislike// her, but the idea of having to talk to a complete stranger about how screwed up you feel has always been an uncomfortable hurdle that you've been struggling with. \n\nIn spite of these feelings, your thoughts drift back towards Amanda. How she took time out of her busy life, and had potentially uncomfortable conversations of her own to forward you this information. You worry that to quit going to therapy would, more than anything else, be letting //Amanda// down in a huge way, and you desperately wish to avoid that level of disappointment. \n\nYou think that maybe Dr. Melville's suggestion is somewhat fortuitous. Now you can remove yourself from the uncomfortable position the therapy sessions put you in, but you can do it without feeling like you're //totally// letting Amanda down. \n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/frame4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou look at her standing, barely lit, and notice there's a few candles scattered around the apartment. It occurs to you that she has tried to make this night special for the two of you, so you decide to put aside your bad mood and simply be with her. Even though you have a tight knot of antisocial frustration in your stomach, seeing how much she cares takes the edge off of your bad day.\n\nYou approach her and hold her. //"This is wonderful. Thank you for doing all this."// you tell her, kissing her on the forehead. //"I've had such a bad day, and seeing how you care like this makes life feel a lot less... heavy."//\n\nShe smiles at you, and the two of you kiss. //"Is there any way we can just talk tonight though? I'm exhausted and I really want to just be near you."//\n\n//"Oh."// she responds. She thinks for a brief second, as though she's evaluating if you had meant anything more by that. //"Sure. Yeah, that works."//\n\nThe two of you cuddle up on the couch and talk. You end up ranting about your job a little, and she commiserates with you and relates similar stories about a terrible professor she has. Regardless of the fact that you don't have sex that night, you still feel as though it was still a very romantic experience. \n\n[[Next.|copingMechanisms]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIn spite of the fact that you //know// that it's your job, and that you //should// go, you keep fighting yourself every step of the way. Every time you resolve to climb out of bed and just //go//, your body seems to get heavier and your head gets foggier and you find yourself unable to actually make yourself move.\n\nYou grab your phone and dial your boss' number, hoping that it's early enough yet that he won't be there and you can just leave a message. Fortunately, after a couple of rings, voicemail picks up and you leave a message explaining that you're sick and won't be in today. As you hang up the phone, you worry that perhaps your message sounds like a lame excuse. \n\nYou hope your boss won't call or email you to follow up with your message, but for now you're too foggy to do too much of any sort of thinking and eventually you fall back into a sleep that is both heavy and restless<<if $cat eq true>> with your kitten curled up at your feet, occasionally repositioning as you toss and turn<<endif>>.\n\n[[Next.|thenextDay]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>>\nYou look over at Alex, who hasn't noticed you watching her yet, and you try to parse the expression on her face. You worry that it's one of sheer boredom and bare tolerance. You wonder if she's thinking about all of the fun things she could have been doing tonight if she wasn't trapped on this couch with you, ordering from one of the same three takeout places that you always order from. A sense of disappointing her creeps over you as you picture what the night could have been if you had just accepted the invitation she had made earlier.\n\n//"I know this is a pretty boring Friday night for you... are you really happy being with me? Being like this?"//\n\nShe turns to look at you, forehead wrinkled. //"Why do you ask me that so often?"// You feel her body stiffen and pull away from yours just a little. \n\n//"Well, I mean..."// you start, but are unable to try and think of how to answer. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: It's probably silly, but it's reassuring when I hear that we're on the same page.</FONT></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 8>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: I want to make sure I'm right for you.</FONT></del></html><<else>>[[2: I want to make sure I'm right for you.|rightforYou]]<<endif>>\n[[3: I know it's not what you'd usually be up to.|usuallyupTo]]\n[[4: I don't know. I guess I get kind of worried that you're getting bored, sometimes.|gettingBored]]\n[[5: Nevermind.|forgetIt]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sunset2.gif"></center></html>\n\nWhen you think about the past few months and what you've been through in trying to deal with them, what you feel most is an overwhelming sense of //exhaustion.//\n\nThe soul crushing mundanity of your day job has started to catch up with you, and you find yourself less and less willing or able to deal with spending 8 hours a day at a job you find unrewarding. While some people you've talked to have encouraged you to seek out new, more meaningful employment, the stress of your job causes you to shut down more often than not, to the point where you've started missing normal work days even more than before. Lately you've even lacked the energy to take part in anything enjoyable outside of work hours, and your life is quickly becoming a vastly unfulfilling cycle of work/sleep/work. You've started existing merely on a day-to-day basis.\n\nYour relationship with your friends has started to deteriorate as well. Though you've known some of them since high school, you've never been comfortable letting them into this facet of your life, and that's true now more than ever. Your frequent bouts of both ambivalence and panic have caused you to flake out on more and more engagements, and your shame at your own situation keeps you from ever talking to your friends about it for fear that the "real you" would be repulsive to them. In spite of your best efforts, your friends have noticed that something is up, and you get the sense that your unwillingness to open up on more than a surface level has offended them. You worry about driving your friends away, and yet find yourself paralyzed and unwilling to let them in. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>Things with Alex have become more and more strained. The two of you have had several conversations about your situation. She's indicated numerous times that she's willing to be understanding and help you as best she can, but that she feels that you're not taking equal steps to move forward yourself. She worries that you "love being miserable more than you love her," and even in the wake of your desperate-sounding platitudes you can't seem to totally convince yourself that she's wrong. In spite of her obvious frustration, you can't seem to leave your comfort zone and set aside your own self loathing long enough to make a concerted effort to make things better, and you find yourselves having the same conversation on a near weekly basis. You both are feeling emotionally exhausted and the future of the relationship is uncertain.<<else>>After several long conversations with Alex, things finally reached their breaking point. She told you that you seem to "love being miserable more than you love her," and that you cling to that comfortable misery as a way to keep from effecting any positive change, and after several weeks of having the same fight she decided it was too much to bear. While she told you that she still loves you, she can't let herself or her plans be held back by a partner who doesn't share an equal interest in moving forward.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You have communicated many of these events to Dr. Melville in your sessions, and have told her that you feel like you're losing more and more control over your life. She seems very concerned, and has suggested that you keep coming to your sessions for the time being.<<else>>You have communicated much of this to Malcolm over various coffee outings and phone calls, and have told him that you feel like you're losing mor and more control over your life. He seems very concerned, though you can tell that he's trying to not overreact to anything you say so he can 'be there' for you. You're glad to spend more time with him, even if the rest of your personal relationships are uncertain.<<endif>>\n\nPouring over the events of the past few months it is difficult to not feel a profound sense of loss. What's worse, part of your brain is still acutely aware of how badly you've managed to mess things up, and that just makes you feel worse. Most days you feel detached, like you're simply watching your body go through its motions. You desperately wish you could regain control, but you seem unable to force yourself to take any of the necessary steps.\n\n//"Things are fine, I guess// you tell your mother across the table. Your voice sounds so weak you doubt anyone present believes you, least of all yourself.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou make a stop at your fridge, turn your favorite playlist on, and sit down to start working. You open the last file you were working on, and as soon as your hands touch the keyboard your mind goes blank. \n\nAll of the motivation and ideas you had when you arrived home vanish in a flash. Your brain seizes up and you find yourself physically incapable of any sort of productive thought. You take a "break" to loosen up, popping into your email inbox, Twitter, and various other internet-based distraction fodder.\n\nFrustratingly, this pattern continues throughout the course of the evening: as soon as you try and focus on work, your brain diverts all its energy away from the task at hand. While you keep flipping back to your work, you find the sheer mental effort involved in keeping your brain focused is overwhelming and tiring.\n\nA few Twitter arguments, YouTube videos, and sparse amounts of actual work later, your playlist flips back to Track One and the ice in your glass has all but melted, diluting the last dregs of the Coke you were nursing. \n\nYou look at the clock and realize that a few hours have passed since you sat down to work, and you've made negligible progress.\n\n//I can just wake up early tomorrow and catch up.// you think to yourself as you climb into bed, even though you know that never actually happens.\n\n[[Next.|partyTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I'm ok Mom, really. Thanks for worrying about me."//\n\nYour mother looks at you from across the room with furrowed brows, and you wonder if the tone in your voice was the least bit convincing. She slightly opens her mouth as though she was about to say something more, but instead she digs through her purse for her cell phone, having apparently decided against it. \n\n//"Well as long as you're ok honey..."// her voice trails.\n\nAs your mother returns to what amounts to more or less smalltalk, you realize that this part of the conversation has happened a lot recently - someone will express concern for you, or ask if you're okay out of seemingly nowhere. You tend to find that it's simpler to just declare that you're ok than find the right words for complicated and murky feelings. Besides, since none of them are in reaction to a specific event, maybe you really ARE ok and just complaining about nothing anyway.\n\nSometimes, when you insist that you're ok to those who ask, you have to wonder if you're trying to convince them or yourself.\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThe sight of Amanda's email address in your inbox sets your heart racing. You had almost forgotten about the horribly awkward conversation from a few weeks ago. Now, upon reading through her email, memories of how ashamed and embarrassed you felt talking about your problems wash over you as if you were experiencing them anew. Overcome by the sudden vivid recollection of your emotional outburst, it's all you can do to close the email as quickly as you can and step away from the computer to try and find something else to take your mind off of it.<<if $cat eq true>>Playing with your kitten helps.<<endif>>\n\n[[Next.|workSucks]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's a dry Sunday morning.\n\nYou grab your morning coffee and <<if $cat eq true>>scoot your rapidly growing kitten off your office chair and despite her protests, <<endif>>sit down at your desk to check your email. A new message pops up in your inbox almost as soon as you do. It's from Amanda, and you remember your meeting in the cafe and awkwardly bringing up your feelings to her.\n\n//Subj: Hey buddy\nBody: Hey. Sorry it's been a few weeks. I meant to get this to you sooner, but it took a while for me to get a hold of my folks back home. Dad told me to say hi by the way. \n\nAnyway, I remembered what we talked about last time I saw you and I hope you aren't insulted, but I asked my mom for the number for her therapist. Don't worry! I didn't tell her who it was for. I think she's worried about me now though, haha. \n\nAnyway, the number is 647-723-5274. It's a really good office, you should look into it. Talking to someone never hurts. \n\nIf you're worried about money, don't be. They're one of the few that has a really good sliding scale fee system and won't charge you what you can't afford.\n\nI hope you're feeling better. It was really nice to see you again! \n\n- A//\n\nIt's still early enough that you could call and make an appointment today. \n\n<<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten curls up in your lap as you consider what to do.<<else>>What do you do?<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Call the therapist's number. You're looking forward to the help you think they can offer.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2: Try your luck and call the number, even though the mere thought of talking to someone makes you anxious. She cared enough to send it to you, after all.|callTherapist]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try your luck and call the number, even though the mere thought of talking to someone makes you anxious. She cared enough to send it to you, after all. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Sleep on it, and see how you're feeling in the morning. You're not keen on the idea at all, but you don't want to disappoint Amanda.|sleeponIt]]\n[[4: Close the email without thinking more of it. This has been embarrassing enough already.|closeEmail]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
That subway encounter where I felt like all the attractive cool people were laughing at me.
Hear about a local meetup for people who also do projects like yours, have one of the options be to try to go but hang out near the building, freak out, and go home.
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAs Alex leaves you with a beer, you're unsure of what to do with yourself. Everyone else at the party is sectioned off into smaller groups of people who know each other, and you feel like it might be too rude to butt in on any one of their conversations. As you are looking around, you can tell that you don't really know anyone else at this party.\n\nThe birthday girl turns to you and thanks you for coming, and you chat with her a little until she is approached by other friends, and she introduces you to them.\n\nYou have very little in common with any of them, and they all seem to have known each other for a very long time. However, they're still friendly, albeit a little drunk, and ask you about your life and do their best to include you. You actually start to relax a little, but feel slightly excluded when you're the only one who misses an inside joke about someone's professor.\n\nYou proceed to make smalltalk with that group until your girlfriend returns.\n\nAt the end of the night, as you're falling asleep with Alex, she thanks you again for coming. Half-drunk, she confesses that she thought you were going to flake out, and was pleasantly surprised that you managed to come out. \n\nShe says it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
If you're in therapy or on medication, the time comes when you have or want to tell your significant other or parents about it.
Be in a group talking with your coworkers making small talk about their lives and feel like you're the least interesting and skilled person in the group, or otherwise feel like an outsider.
Have the chance to lie to your therapist and reduce therapy's effectiveness.
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>Panic sets in, and it sets in hard. Your mind begins frantically darting between insulting yourself for being so horrible at relationships and thinking of the "right" thing to say to make her feel better. All you want in the world right now is to keep her with you, to make her feel better. Even though you feel a bit selfish and dishonest, you use it as fodder against yourself instead of changing your course of action.\n\n//"I'll find some way to start spending more time with you, I promise!"// you tell her, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. //"I know I can be really stupid sometimes but I'll be better, I'll figure out some way to be better, just... Just don't go."//\n\nAlex looks uncomfortable. //"I know I'm hard to deal with, that this stupid brain of mine makes me do stupid things and..."// you start to hate yourself for saying these things, for sounding so pathetic. //"Just... just tell me what I can do to make things right and I'll do it... Anything."//\n\nYour panic escalates as the more desperate you are to find the right words for her makes her pull further away from you. You're verbally flailing for the right answers, and she calls them out as being platitudes. You can practically watch her slip through your fingers as you try to cling on tighter. It's as if you're watching yourself say these things and screaming //No, stop, can't you see how you're driving her away!?// But you can't stop, and before you know it she's crying.\n\n//"I... I think we should break up. I can't do this anymore..."// she says, though it doesn't feel real. You feel as though all of the blood has gone from your face, and your thoughts go silent. \n\nThe rest of the conversation is stilted and forced. She says she's sure, and that you should go. You barely hear the door close behind you as you stand in the hall, feeling utterly empty. You lean against the wall of the hallway leading to her apartment. Looking at her door, it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't seem like the destination it used to, like the thing you waited eagerly behind after knocking, waiting for her beautiful face to peek around the corner. Now you feel like an alien staring at a foreign object, an impassable barrier. \n\nThe reality hits you over the next few days, and you spiral into a very deep low. You withdraw entirely and<<if $cat eq true>> outside of work your only interaction with another living creature is with your cat.<<else>> outside of work, you don't leave your apartment.<<endif>> You can't stop replaying the failures you made with her over and over in your head, wondering what could've been if you weren't such a fuckup. It's going to take you a long time to get over her.\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nAs your mother looks across the table at you expectantly, everything inside you wants to run away. You have had this conversation with her enough to know that anything you can say would either be a lie or would result in a lecture. After spending the day feeling like you're a failure already, you can't really handle more of the same from your family regardless of how well they mean. \n\n//"Actually, I'll be right back, I have to use the restroom."//\n\nYou excuse yourself from the table despite not actually having to use the facilities, and head to the bathroom. You lock the door behind you and flip down the toilet lid, take a seat, and rest your head in your hands. You take a few deep breaths as your mind runs through it's typical self deprecating scripts, though you still feel as though it's a moment of relief. \n\nEven though you love your family, you really feel like they don't know you at all sometimes and this makes them exhausting to be around on nights like this. You wish you could tell them what you are feeling. That sometimes it feels like you're lost in the woods, and that if you were to drop dead in your apartment the world wouldn't notice. You want to make her understand that more often than not, you feel like an alien, like there isn't anywhere in this world that feels like a place where you belong, and you have no idea how to fix it or what to do. You wish you could find the words so they would understand you, but you end up feeling like an outsider instead.\n\nInstead, you decided to remove yourself from the situation and calm down. You couldn't see a resolution where attempting those things would work, and you needed a moment of space instead.\n\nYou hear a knock on the door. \n\nMalcolm's voice comes through the door. //"Hey kiddo, you alright in there? You've been in there for a while."// \n\n//"Yeah, I was just feeling a little sick."// \n\n//"Well, if there's anything I can get you let me know. They're about to serve pie though, if you're feeling up to it."//\n\n//"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."//\n\nMalcolm is quiet for a moment. //"Hey, just so you know... I'm really proud of you."// You hear his big footsteps walk away from the door, and you splash some water on your face before leaving to rejoin your family.\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/static4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's 2am on a Sunday, and you have work in the morning. \n\nYou roll over to see the sickly green glow of the time displayed on your LED alarm clock and let out an exasperated sigh. You've been trying to fall asleep for over 3 hours now to no avail. Every time your head hits the pillow, you're overcome with anxious thoughts that wrap themselves around each other. Worries about your job lead to worries about your future lead to worries about your very identity, and you're unable to shake them off long enough to doze off. Your eyes won't even stay shut as your mind races through imagined scenarios going horribly wrong, which you promptly attribute to your general worthlessness. \n\nYour thoughts run too fast for you to come to a satisfying conclusion on any one of them. Your room is completely silent, but the silence has given way to a loud static noise rattling around inside your head. Your heart beats loudly and you worry it's beating a little too fast. You worry that if you focus too strongly on your racing heart, you'll freak yourself out hard enough that you have a heart attack.\n\nYou have to be awake for work in a mere 8 hours, and you know <<if $motivation lte 6>>your performance has been sagging lately, and that this won't help the situation one bit.<<else>>that your work is so much worse on only a few hours sleep.<<endif>> \n\nWhat do you do? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Force yourself to sleep.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Go to bed. It shouldn't be that hard.</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Just close your eyes and let it happen. Why won't your thoughts back off for five seconds?</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>4: Snap out of it. What is wrong with you? Why can't you stop stressing out for five seconds?</font></del></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>5: You're probably going to go into work tomorrow exhausted and fuck everything up and get fired.</font></del></html>\n[[6: Go to your computer. Sleep is clearly not happening no matter how long you lay here.|tossandTurn]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchf02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Are you okay?"//\n\nIt's a question you've been finding yourself being asked a lot lately, and it's one that has begun to make you instantly uncomfortable. It's one you would have to spill your guts to adequately describe, which would be an almost impossible feat to perform at the moment. Even if you managed to, you'd have to fight through your self loathing long enough to keep talking despite feeling like everything you're saying amounts to simple bellyaching. If somehow you powered through THAT as well, you'd have to live with feeling truly exposed and you figure anyone who would know all of these things would be put off to you permanently. \n\nMore importantly, despite your mother's best intentions she is quite likely the worst possible person to try and wade through all of this bullshit with.\n\nYou evade the question by pretending you have received a text message. Once you pretend as though you're finished reading it, you change the subject back to one you know your mother is interested in. She takes the bait, and the topic is successfully changed.\n\nA feel of unease lingers, and your stress levels stay high until she leaves a bit later. You wonder if you should talk to someone about all of this - someone who would be more sympathetic and not tell you to simply "think positive".\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 2>><<if $motivation lte 1>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou grab the TV remote, wanting nothing more than to forget all about the terrible day you had at work. You flip on the TV and let yourself get swallowed up by the couch. You grab your laptop to "surf" the internet while you "watch" TV, paying no real attention to either. You watch a few reruns of shows you're at best indifferent towards and a movie on TV that's a few years old, all while you scroll idly through your Twitter feed.\n\nAt the end of the night, you don't really feel any //better// so much as you just feel numb, which is basically what you were going for anyways. Ultimately it gets late enough that you tell yourself you should probably call it a night. You beat yourself up over the fact that you didn't accomplish anything this evening, but at least you managed to forget about your job for a couple of hours. As you fall asleep, you're acutely aware of the fact that after a mere few hours' sleep, you've got to do it all again.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I want to make sure I'm right for you."// \n\nAlex looks at you and half-smiles. //"That's for me to decide, isn't it? If there's anything wrong, I'll let you know about it."//\n\nShe turns her attention back to the flickering screen and settles against your side again. //"Just trust me, ok? You're overthinking things again."//\n\nYou desperately want to believe her and leave it at that. You wish more than anything that it worked that way - that you could simply shut off your brain instead of having this anxiety that you're letting her down by being yourself. You're not sure how you could convey that it's not a matter of not trusting her, it's more of a matter of not being able to think you're worth anyone's time. \n<<if $motivation gte 8>>\nYou realize that you're being irrational, and should try and pull your head out of these thoughts lest they pull you under their current and ruin the night. You still feel unsettled, and know these feelings are unresolved, but you focus on keeping your head above water for the night.<<endif>>\nYou hear Alex sigh, and you decide to let it go for the night.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchc02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchc02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level5a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchc02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchc02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level6a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitcha02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitcha02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level7a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitchb02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8.gif"></center></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8b.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/notherapy.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/level8a.gif"></center></html><<else>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/nomeds.gif"></center></html><<endif>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitcha02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqglitcha02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=0&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Oh no. Just a cleaning..."// your voice trails off as you stare out of the passenger's side window, head resting on your hand. \n\nThere's a brief silence and you can feel your brother's eyes on you. You hear him take a breath, preparing to say something, then hesitate. Though you may not be exceptionally close anymore, you know that he could tell you're holding something back. You brace yourself for probing questions you really don't have the energy to answer.\n\n//"Hey. Why don't we get something fancy for dinner? My treat."//\n\nYou feel like a little kid again, being looked after by your big brother. A part of you prickles up and feels pathetic for this. But the larger part of you that is stressed out, exhausted, and grateful for the familiar comfort of family. \n\nMalcolm never presses you further that night, and takes your mind off of things for a while. \n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $malcolmKnows = true>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"Actually, I guess I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep too much."//\n\n//"Oh yeah?"// Malcolm asks. //"Isn't that a stress thing?"//\n\n//"Yeah... I guess I've been having kind of a hard time lately."// \n\n//"I'm sorry to hear that kiddo."// Malcolm glances over at you. You stare out the window, feeling suddenly self conscious. As you watch houses and cars zip by, he asks //"Anything you want to talk about?"//\n\n//"I dunno. It's hard to talk about."// Trying to figure out where to start feels like trying to pin down something flying around in your head, except it's one of millions of tiny bits of static flying around in there. It's more than talking about specific events, because there are times you feel miserable without any specific catalyst to point to. It's a constant din of noise in the back of your head that never goes away, it only ever gets turned down.\n\nYou try to explain all this to Malcolm, and he asks a lot of questions without judgement in an effort to help you give words to this jumbled up mass of negative emotion. The two of you end up getting takeout and going back to your place, and talk late into the night. <<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten takes a liking to him really quickly, and despite the serious conversation going on around her, she rolls around between the two of you.<<endif>>\n\nAfter a long back and forth he asks, //"Is there anything I can do to help you with this?"// \n\n//"Don't tell mom, ok?"//\n\n//"Yeah, she wouldn't get it."// he replies with a slight laugh. //"Does talking about it help?"//\n\n//"Sometimes, kind of."//\n\n//"Well ok. Know that you can call me any time you need."// he rests one of his enormous hands on your shoulder. //"You'll get through this, kiddo."//\n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/hall4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"The dentist said I'm apparently grinding my teeth too much when I sleep."//\n\n//"Oh?"// Malcolm replies, //"Been stressed out lately kiddo?"//\n\nDeciding that you don't really want to go into it, you tell him that you don't think that's the case and it's probably just a random thing. He doesn't pry farther, and instead begins reminiscing with you about the time you chipped a baby tooth because he accidentally knocked you over once. \n\nYou go out for dinner and catch up on things, but you still feel somewhat distracted by the gnawing anxiety in the back of your mind. Though you enjoy your brother's company, you still feel like you want nothing more than to go home and hide from the world tonight. It becomes hard for you to try to stuff all of your horrible feelings down and go emotionless when someone like the dentist can see a fraction of what goes on inside your head. It leaves you feeling embarrassed and weak, and you hate yourself for feeling that way. You wonder if you're really fooling anyone into thinking you're a normal person, and then you wonder if your brother knows and is hanging out with you out of pity tonight.\n\nAfter he drops you back off at your apartment, you throw the night guard out. You can't stand to even look at the thing.\n\n<<if $talked_to_Amanda eq true>>[[Next.|amandaWTF]]<<else>>[[Next.|workSucks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/badend.gif"></center></html>\n\nThere's no doubt that depression is a battle, and it seems to have taken a particular toll on you. As the days go by, you find yourself interested in less and less. You think back to your life a mere few months ago, and compared to where you are now it seems like you've just lost so much. \n\nWork has become unbearable, as the thought of you dragging yourself day in and day out to a job you can't stand just so you can scrape enough money together to do it all again the next day has ground your will down; lately your job performance has suffered tremendously, and your boss has already had a conversation with you about your absences. At this point, losing your job is not only a real possibility, it's downright probable.\n\nYour personal relationships have deteriorated as well. While you could never describe yourself as a social butterfly, your constant flakiness and continuing withdrawal from your circle of friends has all but alienated them from you completely. Nowadays you rarely see or speak to them, and when you do, the conversations are strained and perfunctory. You almost never leave your apartment anymore. \n\n<<if $significant_Other eq true>>While you and Alex are still together, your relationship with her seems to have taken the full brunt of your depression. With your desire to interact with the world completely eroded, she spends more and more of her time at home with you; a fact which in spite of your anhedonia you feel guilty about. However, on the rare occasions that she does go out without you, you spiral into fits of jealous panic, convinced that she's going to abandon you for someone "better." Both situations are putting an immense strain on your relationship, which has unfortunately become a breeding ground for resentment and codependency. Things have only gotten worse as she's continued to excel in her program at school, as she's made it very clear on more than one occasion that her education and career are very important to her, and she doesn't want to have to be slowed down by someone who insists on being stagnant. It's clear even to you that your once mutually supportive relationship now doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and you strongly suspect that it's only feelings of guilt that are preventing Alex from leaving altogether.<<else>>Your detachment from the world even ended up costing you your relationship with Alex. While she made every effort to be supportive and understanding, your refusal to try and manage your situation forced her to have to choose between having to constantly look after you and pursuing her own goals. As she continued to excel in her program at school, as she made it very clear on more than one occasion that she was dedicated fully to her education and career, and couldn't afford to be held back by somebody who insisted on being stagnant. The subsequent split was practically inevitable.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>You continue to visit Dr. Melville, though your attendance is infrequent, and when you do go to your sessions, your presence is merely physical. Whether it is the therapy itself that has ceased to provide you any benefit, or simply your state of mind which is preventing you from obtaining any value from your sessions you can't say for sure, but it has become increasingly clear to both of you that your appointments are simply exercise in wasted time. In fact, on a few occasions Dr. Melville has even suggested putting your sessions on hiatus.<<else>>You never could wrap your head around the whole notion of therapy and view it as anything other than invasive. Refusing to admit your need for help, your decision to try and tackle your depression on your own now seems woefully miscalculated. Your friends may have been willing to listen to you at first, but over time your reluctance to accept any of their advice simply drove them away, leaving you with little in the way of a support network. With nobody to vent to and an inability or unwillingness to seek help on your own, you quickly lost any desire to attempt to overcome your depression and your downward spiral seemed to compound geometrically.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>While you somehow managed to keep taking your medication on at least a loose schedule, you quickly became frustrated that the results weren't immediate and dramatic. Your constant complaints that your pills "don't work" ring hollow even in your own ears; you knew all along that there was never going to be a 'miracle cure,' and it seems like your seemingly irresponsible lack of active involvement has caught up with you.\n<<endif>>\nPouring over the events of the past few months is, even now, exhausting and defeating. Looking at the person you were mere months ago is almost surreal; it feels like a completely different person living a completely different life. In fact, it's hard for you to imagine ever having had a life that wasn't completely devoid of feeling or drive. The prospect of trying to imagine what your future holds seems not only impossible, but irrelevant and of little interest to you, as your life has become just a series of trudges from one emotionally exhausting moment to the next. \n\nYou look across at the table to your mother, weakly meeting her gaze before dropping your eyes to the floor. You open your mouth to answer, but no words come out. You don't even bother pretending to try and think of what to say.\n\n[[Epilogue.|Epilogue]]\n\n<html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
It's a clear autumn afternoon.\n\nIt's a rare day that you're out with a group of friends. You have all gotten lunch together at a hip new Japanese cuisine place. You're trying new dishes after being egged on by one of your friends, and having a fairly good time laughing with old friends. \n\nYou begin to notice someone attractive casting glances your way. \n\nYou shrug it off and wonder why they're looking at you like that, and forget it ever happened as your dishes arrive and you get lost in conversation with your friends.\n\nA little later, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and end up waiting in line for the single bathroom that the restaurant has behind the attractive stranger. They turn and begin to strike up a conversation with you.\n\n"Oh hi. Sorry if this is random, I just wanted to tell you I really liked your shirt!" they say, smiling at you. \n\nThey linger a little longer until interrupted by the bathroom being vacant.\n\nYour friends seem to have noticed this exchange, and are making odd faces at you, and wave you back over to the table. \n\n"They were TOTALLY checking you out." one says.\n\n"Are you gonna talk to them and get a number?" another one says over him. \n\nHow do you respond? \n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>>
WORDS WORDS WORDS\n\nYou open up and she suspects you have depression, citing that her mother has it and sees a therapist. She offers to get the number for you. \n\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/food4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n//"Actually..."// you start sheepishly, //"I'm not really sure what I want to do right now."//\n\nYour mom puts down her fork. //"So what, you're planning on living the way you do for the rest of your life? How would you afford a house on that paycheck? What about kids?"//\n\nYour father interrupts, lightly placing his hand over your mother's. //"It's ok Linda let the kids be what they are. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do in your twenties. I didn't get into construction until I was nearly forty."//\n\nYour mother looks across the table at you, unsatisfied with her husband's reasoning. //"I don't think it's normal for someone at that age to not have a path. You need to think hard about it or you'll never make anything of yourself. You-"//\n\n//"Mom, come on..."// Malcolm interjects.\n\nThis emotionally exhausts you. You want to tell her that you are thinking hard, and that not knowing what you're doing with yourself bothers you more than it could ever bother her. That sometimes it feels like you're lost in the woods, and that if you were to drop dead in your apartment the world wouldn't notice. You want to make her understand that more often than not, you feel like an alien, like there isn't anywhere in this world that feels like a place where you belong, and you have no idea how to fix it or what to do. You wish you could find the words so she would understand that being looked down on for this kills you, and drives home the feeling of being a total outsider. \n\nInstead, you get very quiet for the rest of the meal while your mind goes numb. Everything inside you feels exhausted.\n\n[[Next.|bonerKiller]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a Friday night, and you're laying across your bed feeling pathetic.\n\nAs you were leaving work tonight, a group of coworkers asked if you wanted to join them for drinks. Feeling antisocial and put on the spot, you declined. You have a habit of doing this - you're often so convinced that you are weird and terrible and that any invitation to hang out will end in disappointment for those inviting you. You never feel like you know how to act in group outings, and you feel like a total creep since it seems to come so naturally to anyone who isn't you. You find yourself petrified of breaking some unknown social rule that you don't often go out.\n\nNow, however, you find yourself alone at home. Your brain has begun telling you how pathetic and sad you are for being unable to just be a normal person and go out with nice people. You can't figure out why you can't just go out and meet people and enjoy yourself. At the same time, you're also feeling like no one would possibly want you to hang out if they really knew you, because you're dull and weird anyway.\n\nYou try your typical strategy and boot up Netflix to distract yourself from these feelings, but frustration with yourself builds, and you realize you have to do something else with your night. Anything else to take your mind off of how awful and lonely you feel right now.\n\nWhat do you do? \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Get over it and go out to the bar where your coworkers are hanging out anyway.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation lte 9>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: See if Attic is online.</font></del></html><<else>>[[2. See if Attic is online.|gofindAttic]]<<endif>>\n<<if $motivation lte 5>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Call Alex.</font></del></html><<else>>[[3. Call Alex.|callyerGurl]]<<endif>>\n[[4. Drink.|layinBed]]\n[[5. Go out somewhere, alone.|gooutAlone]]\n<<if $cat eq true>>[[6. Play with your cat.|playwithCat]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
While the whole thing seems a bit weird to you, the fact is you //are// in quite a bit of pain and this seems like it will at least help. While the process of making the mold of your teeth is far from pleasant, the ordeal is over quickly enough and you leave with a thing that, if embarrassing, is at least supposed to help you sleep a bit better at night.\n\nNot long after, you wake up to find that you've ground a hole clear through it.\n\n[[Next.|
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html>\nA while back you and some of your older friends were out at a bar catching up. After liquefying considerably more of your paycheck than was perhaps "responsible" and ending up thoroughly in your cups, you open up to the only people you really consider yourself "close" to and end up launching into a drunken tirade about the meaninglessness of your utterly menial job, and ultimately your own existence.\n\nHaving never really seen you in such a state before your friends were briefly taken aback by your sudden uncharacteristic outburst. One of your friends suggested that you get involved with your hobby on a more regular, long-term basis, suggesting that spending your energy on something you actually care about might help you to better cope with the shittiness of your "nine to five."\n\nAlthough you were embarrassed that you let your guard down and you felt self-conscious at seeming to have single-handedly brought the mood down at the table, you convinced yourself on the cab ride home that maybe it would be worth trying out. \n\nYou began your project some months ago and have, miraculously, managed to keep at it, though your level of motivation and subsequent effort rises and falls considerably. While you were surprised when you started at how good it felt to actually work on something you were passionate about, lately you've found it hard to muster the energy to really care about even this.\n\n[[Back.|workIt]]
Family holiday. Feel like you're not meeting your parents' expectations of you. Have the opportunity to open up to your brother.
You get criticized for something completely legitimate and minor at work. Your choices are basically how hard you implode on yourself.\n\nIt's basically a merry-go-round of "STUPID,STUPID, STUPID! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" inside your head.
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's an early winter evening, and even though it's not particularly late, the time of year has lent the sky an almost prematurely darkened cast. \n\nDay after day, just like today, you trudge home from a job you have increasingly come to hate. On this day your job misery seems to have reached critical mass, and not even shedding your rain-laden and uncomfortable work clothes helps you to unwind from your work day.\n\nYou collapse into your couch, blank and numb. While your job always seemed to just be an unpleasant reality of existence, it was a position you sort of fell into unexpectedly, never intending to work there long-term, and it's getting harder and harder to keep it up. \n\nWhile it's certainly not your dream job, you've always just sort of stuck it out out of necessity before, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to do that. Though you couldn't even begin to imagine what //else// you could do, you find yourself face-to-face with a question you just can't ignore: is your complacency worth the price of this level of misery?\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Get proactive: Polish off your resume and start looking for other jobs to send feelers out to.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 7>>[[2: Try and at least be productive by focusing your efforts on your project tonight.|workonProject]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2: Try and at least be productive by focusing your efforts on your project tonight.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 3>>[[3: Aimlessly look through classifieds for another job.|differentJob]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Aimlessly look through classifieds for another job .</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Turn on the TV and let your mind go blank.|escapism]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqwork02122013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
Start taking meds and have a series of encounters following each other where you're dealing with all of the adjustment awkwardness. This way we don't have to have a kajillion checks and can just put people through a short ringer all at once and the point will be made.
Be stuck wide awake in bed unable to turn your brain off. Go a bit more in depth with the kind of shit that keeps us up at night, stupidly. If you're seeing someone you should have the opportunity to wake them up and talk. If not, you should have the option to PHONE A FRIEND.\n\n//I'll take this one - P//
I'm not sure what the everyday situation would be (maybe a promotion or new job?), but you'd have the option to either try to improve your life (crossed out probably) or avoid trying to feel like you have control over your failure (assuming that you'd probably fail anyway). Basically choosing to sit in limbo vs. having a concrete "no" or failure.\n\n//I think this is basically the same as idea seed 24. I'm going to develop that one a bit further.//
Have the option to make 1 of 3 friends locally and grow your support network. Can't do any of this if you're too low. Not sure where or how this would happen because I am awful at making friends irl.
If you're really low, realize that you haven't been eating for a few days and your apartment is trashed.
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pens4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou sit down at your computer to blow off some steam but are surprised to find your thoughts drifting to your long-neglected project. You talk yourself into opening it up and taking a look for the first time in what must be weeks.\n\nFor whatever reason, your anger that you've been feeling towards your day job seems to have converted to pure passion, as you seem to be overflowing with ideas tonight. It's as if you've got a build up of ideas that just haven't gotten out and now you're in the zone. While you don't get an unnatural amount of work done, you do work for a solid couple of hours, and it really feels great. What's more, you share some stuff across your social media networks, and you receive quite a bit of positive feedback, which makes you feel great. \n\nWhen you go top bed that night, you tell yourself that your job may suck, but at least you've got something you really care about that you can put effort into and feel really good about yourself. In fact, as you're falling asleep, you can barely even remember your work day.\n\n[[Next.|beThere]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou groggily grab your morning coffee and <<if $cat eq true>>scoot your rapidly growing kitten off your office chair and despite her protests as usual, <<endif>>sit down at your desk to check your email. You notice the note you left yourself a few days ago with the therapist's number on it. You've been somewhat putting off calling her purely out of nervousness, but you feel like you should probably make the decision to do it or throw the note out and stop stressing yourself out about it.\n\n<<if $cat eq true>>Your kitten curls up in your lap as you consider what to do.<<else>>What do you do?<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Call the therapist's number. You're looking forward to the help you think they can offer.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 4>>[[2. Get it over with and call the therapist's office.|callTherapist2]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Get it over with and call the therapist's office.</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3. Throw the note out. Who are you kidding?|thrownoteOut]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>>\nDespite your best efforts, the stress of the meeting, not to mention the last few days, has finally caught up with you and you finally lose your composure. The dam breaks, and you find yourself trying to explain your situation to your boss. How you've been feeling lately, and how you really //do// like working here but how things have been very difficult lately and you really have been feeling physically ill because of it. Throughout your...confession? you look up from the floor to your boss, and see his faced trained on you in a look of a strained sort of compassion. You can tell he wants to understand what you're telling him, but has never had to deal with anything even remotely like this before.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq "yes">>While it feels good to finally spill your guts, as it were, you worry about having overstepped your bounds and try and rein things back in in an attempt to help save your job. You explain to your boss that you're currently seeing someone about this, and doing everything you can to get a handle on it to make sure it doesn't negatively impact your work life anymore. Your boss nods in a way that signifies he's no more comfortable with this conversation than you are, and upon your revelation tells you he's glad you're feeling better and stands up to end the meeting. \n\nIt was far from how you would have chosen to spend your afternoon, but at least you still have your job.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]<<else>>While it feels good to finally spill your guts, as it were, you worry about having overstepped your bounds and try and rein things back in in an attempt to help save your job. Your boss nods in a way that signifies he's no more comfortable with this conversation than you are, but nevertheless hands you a business card with the number for Employee Services, telling you they can put you in touch with someone who can help you deal with this sort of thing, before standing up to end the meeting.\n\nIt was far from how you would have chosen to spend your afternoon, but at least you still have your job. As you leave the office, you stare at the phone number your boss gave you.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]<<endif>>\n\n//thinking of eliminating this as a separate track to enter therapy just for the sake of simplicity. If so, the second option would read identical to the first, with the exception of the relevant passage about seeing a therapist.//
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou get out of bed and head to your desk. Laying in bed with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company makes you feel like you're going insane. The harshness of the light coming from the screen makes you squint as you turn it on, despite how often you find yourself in this exact situation. There have been so many nights lately just like this. \n\nAs you begin reading a news story, an online friend of yours IMs you. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you're up late again i see.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Yeah. Can't sleep.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: Again.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: thinknig too much again?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: *thinking</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: You guessed it.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: :(</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: wanna talk about it?</font></html>\n\nYou end up talking with attic for quite some time about how you've been feeling. He's always been easy to talk to about personal matters, and the added security of talking online helps. Being able to rethink what you say as you type it out and check it before you send it out helps you gather your thoughts, and you find it less intimidating in a way to type it all into a prompt than say it out loud. \n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i don't wanna be that guy who thinks they can diagnose something because i read a wikipedia article</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: but it kinda sounds like you might have depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you should talk to someone about that</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: like a doctor</font></html>\n<<if $in_Therapy eq false>>\nYou pause. You're not sure if it's how tired you feel or being frustrated from mentally eating away at yourself earlier in the night, but what he says rings true. Maybe you //should// see a doctor about this.<<else>> You pause. Are you really that transparent? Or is it that you've gotten used to talking about your feelings at this point? Your insomnia makes you a little paranoid, but you shake it off.<<endif>>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: we can do some research and see if there's a good doctor near you</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: its not like you're going back to sleep anytime soon anyway</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: might as well do something while you're awake</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: :)</font></html>\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: You: This is just a low night, I am normally able to sleep and I don't have depression, but thank you for your concern.</font></del></html>\n[[2: You: No that's ok.|nothankYou]]\n<<if $in_Therapy eq false>>[[3: You: It can't hurt to talk to someone I guess.|cantHurt]]<<else>>[[3: You: Actually I have talked to someone about it.|alreadyinTherapy]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $on_Meds eq true>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation gte 17>><<set $motivation = 16>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nNights like this, you're very glad you made the call to become a cat owner. Feeling too socially burnt out to interact with other people, you go find your cat. \n\nYou get her to chase a laser pointer for a solid 30 minutes before she tires herself out. She pads over to you and collapses in a heap in your lap, purring loudly. Though initially she hated being picked up, you carry her to the computer desk with you and she doesn't object. \n\nSetting her down in your lap, you comfortably surf the internet for a while before heading to bed. Having her here with you has a calming effect, and it makes you feel a lot less alone.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]
//Note this node and its choices do not currently connect to anything, as the nested choice that led here has been removed. I kept them in in case there was anything that could get recycled into other instances.//\n\nYou fall into a pattern of avoidance with the hopes of staving off any potentially uncomfortable confrontations with your coworkers or boss. Before you realize it, you've missed several days of work back-to-back, and now your boss //has// started to notice. While you've been avoiding his calls, the fact that he's bothered to call at //all// is indication that things have snowballed out of control and you finally wrench yourself out of bed and into work.\n\nThat day, just as you expected, your boss calls you into his office for a "meeting." As you enter the small room and sit down, your palms are sweating and your heart rate has accelerated considerably. You find yourself focusing on the worn-down, stock "corporate" carpet on the floor, the generically inoffensive "art" and random motivational posters on the wall, the large white scratch that runs across the whole front of your boss' desk; anything to avoid having to look at your boss sitting across the desk from you, unable to meet his gaze. You wish you could disappear. You open your mouth to try and preemptively apologize but your throat is dry and your brain instantly vacates of coherent thought when you try to speak. After a few excruciatingly uncomfortable seconds, your boss speaks up.\n\n//I've noticed that you've been missing quite a bit of work lately,"// he begins. //"While we certainly want you to get better if you're feeling under the weather, the number and frequency of absences is concerning, and I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.//\n\nYou can feel your face flush and, if possible, you begin sweating even more. Your boss does seem genuinely concerned about you, yet the thought of trying to //explain// this...whatever it is that you've found yourself less and less able to cope with recently sets alarm bells off in your brain and seems like an inherently bad idea. But the fact that you're in this office, having this meeting, means that you can't try and write this off. You have to tell him //something.//\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[1. Tell him the truth. Honesty is the best policy, right?|tellbossTruth]]\n[[2. Come up with some other explanation. There's no way he'd understand.|lietoBoss]]\n\n<<display $motivation_Checker>>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/catteface4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n<<set $cat = true>>You accept the offer of the kitten and hang up shortly after making arrangements for when your coworker can drop her off tonight. <<if $motivation lte 7>>After hanging up, you worry about if you've suddenly taken on a responsibility that you can't handle, and hope you don't make a small animal suffer for it. <<endif>>You're not entirely sure what to expect, and you spend the rest of the afternoon researching cat care online and trying to think of a name.\n\nThe evening rolls around and you hear a knock at your door, startling you out of reading Wikipedia entirely too hard. You take possession of a small, terrified black and white kitten in a carrier, along with everything you need to start taking care of her. You take her into your bedroom, close the door, and open the door to the carrier excitedly. She cowers in the back of it, and you back off. Feeling slightly defeated, you remember what you researched on introducing a kitten to a new home and leave her alone to go mess around on your computer, hopefully checking over your shoulder every so often to see if she has come out yet.\n\nShe hides inside her carrier periodically making sorrowful cat-howls long enough for you to start worrying that she already doesn't like you, but by the time you go to bed she's curled up at the foot of it, eying you nervously before falling asleep. \n\nOver the next few days, you gain her trust and she begins affectionately following you around, sleeping on you, and hopping up on you any time you sit down to do some work.\n\n[[Next.|couchPotato]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
Despite your feelings of discomfort, even you can tell that your friend really needs someone right now. You put on your coat and hike through the winter slush to meet him for lunch, unsure of what to expect.\n\nOn your walk there, you worry about what to say to him and your general ability to be anything resembling "helpful." You worry about monopolizing the conversation, about complaining too much, about your ability to empathize. By the time you get to the restaurant the only thing keeping you from turning back and heading home is the fact that your shoes are soaked through with slush and your desire to get out of the cold as soon as possible.\n\nYou join your friend in a booth he's procured\n\n
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/htf4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#0000A0">You: sorry dude I'm bogged down with work</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh ok...</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: don't worry about it. </font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: good luck with work.</font></html>\n\nYou feel momentarily guilty but are really glad he doesn't seem upset with you. You close everything else on your computer outside of your work project in an effort to refocus your attempts to get the job done, but you still feel like you're hitting a brick wall. Regardless of how hard you try to force yourself, you keep losing focus. You go from feeling like a complete fuckup to feeling nothing at all as you stare blankly at your screen unable to make progress. \n\n//"This is going nowhere. I just need to sleep."// You set your alarm to go off a few hours before work with the idea that you'll come back to it then, and you go to bed early.\n\n<<if $on_Meds eq true>>[[Next.|totalDumbass]]<<else>>[[Next.|tellThem]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
You talk with your friend a bit which helps ease your mind, and you excuse yourself after a few minutes of banter. \n\nYou retreat to bed with a renewed calm after venting a little and being cheered up by your friend, and manage to not lose TOO much sleep that night.\n\n[[Next.|placeholder]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pills4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<<set $in_Therapy = "no">><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>>\nThe mere mention of medication makes you stiffen uneasily. You can't remember the last time you've felt quite so //broken.// It was hard enough to muster up the strength to come to therapy, through all of your own "therapy is for crazy people with actual problems" BS. Now the suggestion from Dr. Melville that you might need even //more// help is making you feel more defective than ever.\n\nYour self esteem has certainly been precarious the past little while, and you can almost visibly see it sliding away from you. You want nothing more than to forget about pills, forget about therapy, and just go home.\n\nDr. Melville seems very concerned about you, and tries to get you to talk about your reasons for not wanting to stay in therapy, but you remain stubborn and don't elaborate further. \n\n[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<set $shotdownbyMom = true>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/sink4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou attempt to tell your mother how you're feeling, despite initial misgivings that you have about doing so. Finding the right words for how you're feeling feels like trying to untangle Christmas lights, searching for the dead bulb in the cluttered mess. She watches you intently and audibly sighs before you can clearly articulate anything. Unfortunately, she reacts predictably.\n\n//"An attitude like that won't get you anywhere. You need to work harder at getting what you want instead of sitting around feeling sad about it. Nothing good will happen unless you make it happen."//\n\nShe isn't angry or spiteful as she tells you this. You try to explain that it's not a matter of that, but you can tell that you're not getting anywhere. The frustration chokes the words in your throat, and you give up on trying to push the subject further. <<if $motivation gte 7>>You know she's giving you the advice that makes sense to her, and genuinely wants the best for you, however she doesn't understand that it's not as simple as somehow deciding to be positive or work harder - it's that those things aren't viable options because of these feelings.<<else>>Despite knowing she means well, the feeling of nagging alienation creeps into your brain and you regret bringing it up. You begin second guessing yourself, too. Maybe you really //are// just complaining about nothing. You wonder why you can't seem to get over these feelings.<<endif>>\n\nYou accept your defeat and the conversation drifts on to other subjects. She leaves after chiding you to call her more often and take better care of yourself. \n\nYou sigh heavily as you close the door behind her spend the next few hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.\n\n[[Next.|creatureFeature]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: oh okay!</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i'm glad you're taking that step.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i've heard it's not an easy one.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: i know people kind of suck at understanding this sort of stuff sometimes.</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: but there's nothing wrong with having depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you wouldn't be ashamed to have bronchitis or something</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: so there's no reason to be ashamed if it's your brain that's sick instead</font></html>\n\nYou spend a few more minutes talking with attic about your therapy and your feelings about it. He's incredibly supportive, and you're happy to find that you have a confidant that understands your illness and is willing to lend an ear when you're having nights like this. \n\nA little while later you fall back into bed<<if $cat eq true>>, kitten in tow,<<endif>> and find it easier to drift off to sleep. Even in therapy <<if $on_Meds eq true>>and on medication<<endif>> you know you're still gonna have nights like these sometimes. It's good to know you have a friend who will help carry you through them.\n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
It's a drizzly morning in November.\n\nYou wake up to the sound of rain, well after the time when your alarm is usually waking you up. <<if $has_Job eq "yes">>After back to back double shifts at work, you have a well-deserved day off. <<else>>You currently have no plans for the day, and are not sure how you're going to spend it.<<endif>> <<if $significant_Other eq "yes">>Your significant other is typically in classes all day on this day of the week, so it's unlikely that they'd have free time to spend with you. <<else>> You're no longer seeing anyone and don't have any potential romantic interests, so tonight will not be a date night barring a romantic comedy situation.<<endif>>\n\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou are really worried that if Alex were to live with you, she wouldn't be able to deal with your days of being unable to get out of bed or nights where you can do nothing but stare at the wall and panic. <<if $alexKnows eq true>>Even though you've discussed your situation with her, you still fear that she doesn't realize the depths of how bad it gets. It's one thing for you to detail how you feel sometimes, and for her to see it pop up occasionally. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you. It's an entirely different situation for it to be something she has to live with alongside you. Even though you've explained it to her in the past, you've never felt like you've been able to communicate how it is to really live with this cloud hanging over you fully.<<else>>Alex knows you very well, but she doesn't fully know about your condition or how low you get. You feel as though if she were to actually see it, to know about it first hand, there is no possible way that she would want to stay with you.<<endif>>\n\nBeyond that, you're not sure if you could live up to being what she needs. Your condition isn't going away any time soon, <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>and your therapist has discussed with you how it's very tricky to navigate relationships alongside managing your depression.<<else>> and you're worried that adding a whole new set of challenges to your relationship might be too much to handle right now.<<endif>> Moving in seems to you like it would be creating more problems than it would fix in your current state.\n\nAlex looks at you expectantly, and you have a hard time looking her in the eye. Although you know she's going to be let down by this, you have to do what's right for you. You can't force this if you're not ready. \n\nYou hold her hand as you tell her that you're not ready to take this step yet, and she looks absolutely crestfallen. \n\n//"But... I don't understand... Things are going so well..."// she stammers, beginning to tear up.\n\nYou explain to her that it isn't her fault, and that you would love to see her more, but that it's just not something you can rush into right now. She takes it well, though still seems wounded by it, and the two of you end up having a conversation about how to better manage your schedules so you can see more of each other. However, the two of you are unable to make it work, start drifting apart, and sadly decide to end things.\n\nAlthough it's painful that things didn't work out, and often wonder if you made the right decision, you know deep down that you had to make the call that you did. You have times where you beat yourself up for letting her down, for being unable to have an uncomplicated situation, but you know that with so much reservation in your heart, impulsively jumping into moving together would have just caused more pain for both of you.\n<<set $significant_Other = false>>\n\n[[Next.|familyChristmas]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
The quality of your work is beginning to slide pretty massively.
You see on facebook that there's a social outing that most of your friends are going to, but you weren't invited. TIME TO FEEL LIKE SHIT but do you ask for an invite/see if you were overlooked or just feel like you're a lifeless joykill that no one wants to spend time with (hint: I usually feel the latter).
<<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/door4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nIt's a chilly Thursday night, and you've just gotten off work. \n\nThis has felt like one of the longest days you've faced in recent memory. Even though nothing exceptional had happened, a ton of minor things kept going wrong, and coworkers had tried your patience throughout the day. You considered leaving work early, but <<if $motivation lte 7>>you've already had enough absences lately on the days you feel too crushed by the job to get out of bed and didn't want to risk it.<<else>>the last thing you wanted to do was deal with your insufferable boss on top of everything else.<<endif>>\n\nYou're lost in thought on the commute home, and your feelings of frustration both with your life and the world around you build as you run into minor annoyances like someone bumping into you really hard as they walk by. By the time you get home you're exhausted, <<if $in_Therapy eq true>>and remember that these feelings were ones you identified as a negative feedback loop with your therapist.<<else>>and in a moment of metacognition realize that if you don't snap out of it you're probably in for a long and trying night as well.<<endif>> These pent up feelings aren't dying down, and are eating at you.\n\nYou open your front door and stare at your apartment. An overwhelming feeling of exhaustion overcomes you, and you feel like your energy levels are low enough that you'll likely settle into a single activity tonight.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1: Just shake off your bad mood and do something fun for the rest of the evening.</font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 5>>[[2: Reach out to someone close to you.|reachOut]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Reach out to someone close to you. </font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[3: Don't burden anyone with your problems. Distract yourself.|distractYourself]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/work4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nIt's an unseasonably warm Wednesday evening. \n\nYou've spent the past several hours at work. The past week or so you've found your job motivation flagging more so than usual; you've been in a fog practically all day today, simply going through the motions without realizing even what you've been doing half the time, and yet time seemed to be moving at half speed. You're so checked out that when your boss approaches you to tell you that it's dead and you can go home early it barely registers. \n\nAs you walk home, the streets hiss from the recent rainfall. You know that your significant other will be in classes until late, another couple hours at least. You briefly consider using this serendipitous solitude to catch up on that [[project|project]] that you've been working on haphazardly for the past few months. \n\nAs soon as you think about the work that awaits you at home you can feel the panic creeping in from the back of your brain, unbidden. All you can think about is how incredibly far behind you are, and the amount of work seems nothing less than insurmountable. \n\nBy the time you arrive home and change out of your uncomfortable work clothes the stress is weighing down on you like a heavy, wet wool blanket. Your computer seems to be staring you down from your desk. You want to sit down and work but the mere thought of trying to work sends your stress levels flying; more than anything you feel suddenly and absolutely //exhausted,// and feel a strong desire to simply hide in bed.\n\nDo you...\n\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>1. Order some food, grab a drink, and hunker down for a night of work. </font></del></html>\n<<if $motivation gte 9>>[[2. Reluctantly sit down at your desk and try and make yourself do something|startWork]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>2. Reluctantly sit down at your desk and try and make yourself do something </font></del></html><<endif>>\n<<if $motivation gte 5>>[[3: Turn on the TV, telling yourself you just need a quick half hour to unwind from work|watchTV]]<<else>><html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11"><del>3: Turn on the TV, telling yourself you just need a quick half hour to unwind from work</font></del></html><<endif>>\n[[4: Crawl into bed. You're so stressed and overwhelmed you couldn't possibly accomplish anything anyways.|gotoBed]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/blanket4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nAs you look at her laying next to you, your mind races through all the ways that telling her could go horribly wrong. You're paralyzed by the fear that she'll finally see that her idea of you, the one that she loves, isn't the person you really are. That she'll see you as the collection of insecurities and worthless thoughts that you're made of, and you'll never get to lay here next to her with the moon filling the room and making her sleepy eyes shine at you like this. You don't want to hide things from her but you're too afraid of losing her to make your mouth open and speak the horrible truth. \n\n//"Everything's fine. Go back to sleep sweetheart."// You kiss her forehead and settle into a spooning position. She dozes off again with little fuss, and you feel awful for lying to her. \n\nThough you're laying in bed with her, you feel completely alone as you spend another hour or two wide awake and full of self loathing, berating yourself for being such a coward.\n\n[[Next.|stayingatHome]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexa02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beer4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou dial Alex, who picks up after only two rings. You ask if she's has time to talk, and she tells you she's just hanging around in her PJs and is actually somewhat bored for once due to being caught up on her coursework. You try to figure out where to start with how you're feeling, and are overcome with missing her face. You ask if she feels like grabbing some dinner, and you notice her barely contained surprise and delight on the other end of the line.\n\nYou meet about half an hour later at an inexpensive diner not far from your apartment. While the food is not great, you're surprised by how much your mood seems to have elevated just being in her company. While at first you were extremely hesitant to talk about your job situation for fear of being burdensome or sounding like a whiner, you see her listening intently to you with what even to you seems to be genuine concern. After winding down with a beer, you cautiously open up a little bit more about your feelings surrounding your job and how drained it leaves you feeling, how you feel like you're simply existing, selling days of your life for no real purpose. You surprise even yourself when you start talking about how frustrated and stymied you feel by your job, about how you used to feel passionately about things but feel like all your energy and capacity for creativity is getting leeched out of you each and every work day. You can't remember how long it's been since you've externalized this much raw emotion.\n\nThe two of you spend several hours in that diner booth, long after your half-eaten food was cleared and the waitress stopped refilling your coffee cups. As you get up to leave a sudden wave of self consciousness washes over you and you suddenly feel incredibly awkward. Then Alex stands up and grabs you tightly around your waist; you realize that, short of boring her with your seemingly endless rants, she's simply happy to have gotten a chance to spend time - //real time// with you. It's been by all accounts incredibly too long since you've allowed yourself to open up to them like this, and there's an almost palpable feeling of closeness you allow yourself to hold on to as you go to bed that night.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $on_Meds eq false>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/phone4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou dial Alex's phone number, figuring that if you could spend some time with her instead of being cooped up in your apartment alone you might feel less isolated. \n\nHer phone rings a handful of times before going to voicemail. You know it's not uncommon for her to be out with friends at this hour.\n\nYou leave a voicemail, but end up calling again 15 minutes later. Still no response. \n\nYou imagine Alex, out with her friends, much like you would be tonight if you weren't so horrible at socializing. Your mind wanders and you start to wonder who she's with, and if she might meet someone tonight she'd rather be with. Someone who is able to go to parties like this with her instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves. \n\nWhy didn't she invite you? Have you just said no one too many times? How many other Fridays have you unknowingly missed? \n\nYou begin to think that maybe it would be better if she met someone tonight. She's a wonderful woman and you feel like a constant joykill on nights like this. Why can't you just be normal? \n\nThe next morning, Alex calls you back. She tells you that she'd left her phone in class, and spent a boring night in her apartment too. You feel horribly embarrassed about how emotional you'd gotten over mistaken assumptions the night before.\n\n[[Next.|weshouldTalk]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 2>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/books4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou have your first session with your new therapist, Dr. Susan Melville, a tall woman in her mid 40's with a disarming demeanor and patient eyes with the start of the slightest smile lines. She makes you feel comfortable fairly easily, which is a pleasant surprise after all of your anxiety over the appointment. \n\nAs you leave, you make a second appointment. You're still skeptical about all of this, but figure you might as well see where this goes. The hardest part, it seems, was taking the first step. You're still not sure if and how you're going to tell your family or your partner but you figure you'll deal with that when the time comes. Either way, you feel relieved that you managed to see this through instead of being paralyzed with worry over it. Even if nothing comes of it, you did something you said you would instead of flaking out or running away.\n\nYou're emotionally exhausted when you get home and collapse into bed. You sleep better that night than you have in a week, and you're not sure if it is because you were so tired when you got home or if it's because of the therapist.\n<<set $in_Therapy = true>>\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqtherapy02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/coffee4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nYou feel incredibly anxious and put on the spot as she leans forward. You consider talking about it, but what exactly would you talk about? Where would you start? She'd probably just think you were complaining about nothing anyway. No one likes a whiner.\n\nYou insist that you're fine, and try to shift the topic to one of mutual interest. She seems as though she is still concerned, but she lets it drop.\n\nLater that night, you replay this encounter over and over in your mind, and fantasize about what you would've said differently now that you've had time to ruminate on it further, and have a moment of self awareness when you realize the degree to which you're trying to stuff down these emotions. \n\nYou get very little sleep that night.\n\n[[Next.|innerLife1]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqcafe02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//"I know it's not what you'd usually be up to..."//\n\nAlex frowns. //"What do you mean by that?"//\n\n//"I just mean you usually like going out and doing things. Partying and stuff. Y'know."//\n\nShe sighs and falls against the couch. //"It's not like I want to do those things all the time... I like nights in too, just like everyone else."// She turns to you, frustration wearing on her face. //"Sometimes I swear it feels like you don't know me at all."//\n\n//"It's not that I just..."// your voice trails off and you notice that she has an exasperated look on her face that you have seen once or twice when you have conversations like this. Conversations where you're poorly expressing your own self doubt and insecurities, seeking reassurance but really feeling like you're making things worse. \n\nShe sighs again, this time louder, turning towards the flickering screen. //"I like spending time with you, okay? If I didn't, I wouldn't be here."//\n\nThe annoyed tone in her voice makes you think otherwise, but you take it as a sign that you should probably drop it for now, and you feel badly for upsetting things.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nAfter Alex walks away, you're not quite sure what to do with yourself. Scanning the party for familiar faces yields nothing, and you're not sure where your girlfriend or the birthday girl got off to. \n\nYou look at the beer in your hand. You know you care a lot less about everything in general when tipsy, but you know you should avoid getting drunk and possibly emotional. \n\nYou quickly down the beer, hoping that it will loosen you up a little. \n\nYou down a few more as quickly as your stomach will let you handle the carbonation comfortably, and wait for it to take effect. By the time it does, Alex has already returned and is introducing you to people. However, all that drinking accomplished was making you even more tired and unfocused, and you stick to your girlfriend for the rest of the night, staying fairly quiet in group conversations.\n\nLater that night, as the two of you are both tipsy and dozing off, Alex cuddles up to you and lightly slurs //"I'm really glad you turned up tonight. To be honest, I really didn't think you'd show. It's really cool you did. Really."//\n\nYou know she meant it lovingly, but you're not quite sure how you feel about that statement.\n\n[[Next.|Mom]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqparty02102013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/pizza4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\nThis is far from the first time you've had this conversation with her, and it's one that plays out the same way every time. You explain your fears of being worthless, she tries to tell you that she doesn't see you that way, you insist that she is biased or just being nice to you because she's your girlfriend, and she gets frustrated. It never resolves, nothing new is ever said, and rarely do you feel reassured by it. \n\n//"Forget about it,"// you mumble. You don't have the energy for that particular argument tonight. \n\nShe seems to feel similarly, as she runs her fingers through your hair and settles in next to you. The weight of an unspoken, unresolved issue in your relationship joins you in the room for a little while, but you dare not pick at it for the rest of the night.\n\n[[Next.|amanda]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqalexb02112013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $motivation = $motivation + 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/call4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\nYou decide to call Sam. He's friendly enough and it might help you take your mind off your worries for a while.<<if $cat eq true>> Besides, you can use your kitten as an easy topic of discussion.<<endif>> You're <<if $cat eq true>>still<<endif>> really worried he'd be weirded out by getting a call out of the blue and that it will make things bizarre at work, but you want to keep things light and casual and distracting instead of talking to someone who knows you well enough to ask what's wrong. You really want to feel like a normal person and not the trainwreck for once. \n\nYou call him up and he seems surprised though he says he's happy to hear from you.<<if $cat eq true>> You mention the kitten and how well she's been doing, and he expresses gratitude for taking her.<<else>> He mentions the kitten that you didn't take and tells you she's doing really well with the family that took her.<<endif>> From there, you segway into general smalltalk and find that you share some common interests as you anxiety about talking to a relative stranger melts away. \n\n//"Y'know, you're pretty cool."// Sam says. //"We should hang out sometime."//\n\n//"Yeah. I'd like that."// \n\nHe mentions that he has to go, and thanks you for the conversation. As you hang up, you realize you're feeling a little more relaxed. Normally you feel drained after conversations with new people, but finding a friend in Sam has really improved your night.\n\n<<if $in_Therapy eq true>>[[Next.|medChat]]<<else>>[[Next.|dinnerwiththeFolks]]<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>\n
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/couple.gif"></center></html>\nYou met Alex through a mutual friend a few months back. The two of you hit it off pretty well that first night, and after a series of initially awkward dates you finally became a couple, much to your surprise and excitement.\n\nAlex is 3 months younger than you are, and is currently a student with a part time job and broad social circle. She's also got a wide variety of interests, and often times you worry that you might be too "boring" for her, but she has been good at trying to reassure you that she's happy with you. \n\nYour relationship consists of a lot of nights in watching Netflix when you've both got time off work and she doesn't have classes, with the occasional social outing that she tends to have to talk you into attending.\n\nShe tries to be understanding when you are "in one of your moods" as she puts it, though you are starting to feel like she doesn't understand what it's like for you, and this is a source of tension in your relationship. Coupled with your reluctance to want to go to college parties, this feeds your worry of not being exciting enough for them.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]
<html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/beeare4.gif"></center></html>\nYour social circle is made up of a few close friends, some of which you've known from high school, and some from jobs that you've worked. \n\nYou've also made various acquaintances through reluctantly going to social events with Alex, and you keep in touch with a few "friend of friends" that you occasionally run into. \n\nYou also have several online friends that you talk to regularly, that you feel less guarded with possibly due to communicating from the safety of being behind the keyboard. You enjoy the low commitment of the friendships, since they don't expect very much of you other than to listen and share personal thoughts and experiences. Despite the low commitment, you feel fairly connected with these people, and tend to be more honest with them than people you interact with "in real life" on a day to day basis.\n\nYou feel incredibly nervous trying to make new friends on your own, and are very good at talking yourself out of going to unfamiliar places or larger social engagements regardless of how much you may actually want to attend. Meeting new people stresses you out to a high degree, and this is something you wish you could work past.\n\nYou admit you have a bad habit of flaking on social engagements even with long-time friends, and are puzzled as to why some days you just can't force yourself to go see these people that you really do care about. Those that have stuck around long enough to be that close with you understand that this is a thing you sometimes do, and have seemed to more or less accept it even though they chide you for it on occasion. However, you've had friends in the past give up trying to maintain a friendship with you because of this trait, taking your social anxieties as a personal slight, or eventually getting tired of trying to track you down all the time. \n\nYou feel incredibly guilty about this, but are not quite sure how to change.\n\n[[Back.|Next]]
<<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation lte 0>><<set $motivation = 1>><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/attic4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: okay</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: just think about it alright?</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: there's nothing wrong with having depression</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: you wouldn't be ashamed to have bronchitis or something</font></html>\n<html><FONT COLOR="#D1D1D11">attic: so there's no reason to be ashamed if it's your brain that's sick instead</font></html>\n\nYou tell him that you appreciate his concern and start sharing YouTube links with him instead. You idly continue to surf around online until you fall asleep at your desk<<if $cat eq true>>, kitten curled up on your mouse pad next to you<<else>>.<<endif>>\n\nThe alarm sounds at 8am and you awake in a haze of confusion before remembering how you ended up at your desk, and you drag yourself to your shower grumpily. \n\n[[Next.|havingahardTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomeb02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>
<<set $partnerHP = $partnerHP - 1>><<set $motivation = $motivation - 1>><<if $motivation eq 1>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 2>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 3>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 4>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix1.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 5>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 6>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 7>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 8>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix2.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 9>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 10>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 11>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 12>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix3.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 13>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 14>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 15>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>><<if $motivation eq 16>><html><center><img src="http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/netflix4.gif"></center></html><<endif>>\n\n//Just a half hour of TV,// you tell yourself, absently grasping for the remote. You don't so much sit down on the couch as //sink into// it. You turn on the TV and start going through your usual channel routine. After a few cycles of this you realize that you're really not doing much more than thumb calisthenics and absently killing time. You check the clock and see that over 20 minutes have already passed since you sat down.\n\nAs your self-imposed time limit creeps ever nearer, you become more and more anxious. You stand up and walk to the fridge, telling yourself //I'll just make a quick sandwich and get to work after that - can't be productive on an empty stomach, right?//. As you eat you start pacing around your apartment, heading past your bedroom in the process. You stop in the doorway, as if physically unable to cross the threshold. Familiar waves of exhaustion start racking you and you feel simultaneously tired and panicked. You close your door and head back to the couch.\n\n//It's still early yet,// you tell yourself. //As long as I get to work in an hour I'll have plenty of time to be productive.// As you flip channels and let the CSI and Jeopardy reruns wash over you you sink deeper into the couch, feeling at once encroached upon and shielded by being quite literally swallowed up by it. As the second hour draws nearer, sure enough you find yourself getting anxious and jittery. You repeat the fridge-pace-couch process a couple more times before you look at the clock and realize that several hours have passed and, not surprisingly, you've managed to get no work done.\n\nYou crawl into bed, acutely aware of the fact that you have work in the morning and that any opportunity you had to catch up on your own creative endeavours today was squandered. You're feeling so disgusted with yourself that when Alex calls to talk to you on her way home from class, you simply say you had a really rough day at work and you're trying to rest up before your shift tomorrow. She says she understands and wishes you a good night, though you can't help but notice that she sounds slightly disappointed.\n\nIronically, the stress of potentially upsetting your partner compounds with the stress of not having gotten anything done this evening and the stress of having to go into work tomorrow. The buzzing of anxiety in your brain melts together with your body's utter physical exhaustion and you sink into a semi-hypnagogic anxious funk, too tired to try and work but too anxious to fall asleep for several hours.\n\n[[Next.|partyTime]]\n\n<<display 'motivation_Checker'>><html><div><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" width="15" height="15"><PARAM NAME=movie VALUE="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop"><PARAM NAME=quality VALUE=high><PARAM NAME=wmode VALUE=transparent><embed src="http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/audioplay.swf?file=http://www.beesgo.biz/dq/music/dqhomea02092013.mp3&auto=yes&sendstop=no&repeat=1&buttondir=http://www.strangecube.com/audioplay/online/alpha_buttons/classic_small&bgcolor=0x000000&mode=playstop" quality=high wmode=transparent width="15" height="15" align="" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed></object></div></html>